I’ve been contemplating my position in life lately, as a student, and in the role I play in my own educational career. As a sophomore at GW, I have considered the fact that I am past the college adjustment stage and should be comfortable – or at least approaching a comfortable lifestyle at school. Is this true? Am I a victim of the sophomore slump? I find my days a bit too aimless for my liking, and I wonder if I am alone in this bizarre realm of directionless studies.
This is certainly an interesting place to be in my life, or at least it is supposed to be. I don’t exactly know what I am accomplishing by going to classes that do little more than fill my general requirements. Of course, there is the occasional intriguing class or assignment, but otherwise I only hear negative phrases regarding school escaping from my lips. Is this normal? I know that many people are unsure of their future plans, but should it bother me that not only am I unsure, but I am unable to find certainty in any of my endeavors? Even my plans for the weekend are constantly up in the air. Shouldn’t I be able to produce a certain level of security in my nearly 20 years of existence?
There must be a formula, or some sort of equation to lead me to the path of control. Perhaps I need an ultimatum, assuming my impending failure in life isn’t enough. I have decided to be an English major, but what does that really mean? I’m not going to be a professor, and it seems very na?ve to believe that I could sustain a lucrative, or even satisfying writing career. I need to get out of this indecisive mode and just “go for it,” as they say. Go for what though? This is my constant state of affairs: fighting with myself in an entirely circular argument, only to come to the conclusion that I need to come up with just that, a conclusion.
Is there something I am missing? Maybe there are Procrastinators Anonymous meetings, or a Cumbersome Life Decisions class I could take. I refuse to accept that I should remain purposeless until something presents itself. I’ve heard all of the talk. I know that I am supposed to take a bit of everything and study hard to provide myself with options. But how can I throw myself into my studies when I am completely uninterested and uninvolved with the majority of my work? Maybe I just hate school. Maybe I just can’t hack it. Here we go again, here is the part in my thought process where I tell myself to shut up and continue to go about my pointless day.
I suppose it is inevitable that I will find a place for myself in life, but what if I want one now? Why am I not an Olympic skier? Why is it that I’m not a Broadway star? Who decided that I was perfect for the part of the typical goal-less youngster? Maybe I should lower my expectations, or should I raise them?
Welcome to my daily hell. See you at the reunion, assuming I finish school and find some sort of life for myself. Until then, I’ll continue to ponder this weighted question on my shoulders. Is it me, or is it just the sophomore slump?
-The writer is a sophomore majoring in English.