March Madness is here, and I can taste it. I have four mid-terms the week before Spring Break, but most of my studying will be concentrated on the NCAA Tournament. While I’m sure no students on the GW campus will be participating in illegal pools, I still thought I would offer a little advice as you fill out your brackets (strictly for your own entertainment purposes of course, no money involved).
Tip 1) Think long and hard before picking against Duke and Coach K. The fact that his last name is spelled Krzyzewski, and yet everyone in America can pronounce it correctly, means he is doing something right.
Tip 2) If you don’t pick Duke, pick a state school to win it all. The last time a private school besides Duke won the championship was Villanova in 1985.
Tip 3) When picking a state school, do not pick any from the deep South. This constitutes Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and South Carolina. Any state in which you regularly see the Confederate flag must be so far behind in culture that its basketball is behind too. (You want proof? No team from those four states has ever won it all.)
Tip 4) If you’re having trouble picking a first or second round game, don’t be afraid to make your decision based on school colors or school mascots or something ridiculous. Take Stanford, for instance. While highly ranked many of the past years, its mascot is a pathetic, raggedy tree. And they always lose.
Tip 5) Be careful of the Gonzaga Bulldogs. Always an underdog, they are finally highly ranked this year. Some teams just can’t win as a favorite (Don’t be fooled by their low seed. They’re still gonna be pool favorite). If that reason is not good enough, how about this: There are six teams in Division 1 with the nickname Bulldogs. None have won a championship.
Tip 6) If you are in multiple pools, choose one of them, and pick a huge upset. That way, when Winthrop pulls the shocker, you can look like a freaking genius to the other members of that pool.
Tip 7) Don’t do too much research. If you have a gut feeling, go with it. Extensive info led me to dismiss Florida two years ago. They ended up going to the championship game and it was curtains for me by the third round. Remember: With women, it is the enemy. With the tourney, your gut is your friend.
Tip 8) Never bet too much money. Is there anything more agonizing than watching a game and having to root for a team you hate because if they lose, you are eating J Street non-stop for the next three weeks? It is better to say “the hell with my $5” and then root for the team you like.
Tip 9) In sports, always beware of “the team of destiny.” This is universal. You saw it in February with the New England Patriots. It happens in every sport. If there is one team that somehow always wins, then ride that team to bragging rights glory.
Tip 10) If you win your pool, do not let your friends, family or co-workers forget about it for the entire year. The bracket is the hardest thing to pick in sports. If you do it better than everyone else, it is your right ?_| no, your duty, to rub it in their loser faces.
