WEB COLUMN: Common ironies

Terrible service at restaurants is a pet peeve of mine. I was once a waitress and I know what it is like on the other side of the apron. Sure the kitchen can be slow. Sure the waiter/waitress could have a large area to serve, but there is no reason it should take 25 minutes to get a salad. The unique waiter/waitress paradox, at the end of the meal when you ask for the check, the waiter/waitress always has it there almost immediately, and they think that will get them a bigger tip. Common ironies.

The best thing about a cell phone is if you get bored talking to someone or you just don’t want to talk to him or her anymore you can hang up. After the person eventually calls back you can just say that your signal faded and they can’t really get mad. Common ironies.

Why is it when someone has a story or gossip they swore to keep in secrecy they ask the person they are leaking the secret to if they can keep a secret? Common ironies.

How come when you ask someone how to spell a word they tell you to go look it up in a dictionary? Obviously if you do not know how to spell the word most likely you will not be able to look it up. Common ironies.

Are supermarket shopping carts in such high demand? One local supermarket attempts to avoid stolen shopping carts by prohibiting them to leave the sidewalk. The only options for someone who is shopping solo is to struggle to carry all their bags from the sidewalk to their car or leave their full cart on the sidewalk while they go get their car and pull it up to the curb to load.

At another local grocery they put signs on every cart and at the edge of the supermarket’s parking lot that the carts have built in alarms that sound when taken beyond a yellow line marking the end of the parking lot. Forget slayings and murders, supermarket shopping cart theft should be on top of the government’s crime alleviation agenda. Common ironies.

I’ll never understand why there are so many kinds of Tylenol and other pain medications. It’s not that there are so many different brands, but actual kinds. If given the choice who would really buy regular strength Tylenol over extra strength when it is the same price? Why would pain medicine companies still make the regular strength when they can just have an extra strength? By even having the extra strength they are basically admitting that their regular strength may not be good enough to alleviate the pain. Common ironies.

All of my communication professors prefer interacting with their students via email than over the phone or in person. Common ironies.

There is this guy in one of my classes who had a receding hairline. He was basically bald except on the sides and the back of his head. He walked into class this week with a full head of hair. When one of the students in the class told the guy he looks different but could not place what it was, the guy said he got new glasses. Did he really think no one would notice the hair transplant? Common ironies.

I was watching this guy trying to get to the front of the bar to order a drink the other night. After trying to squeeze his way through the layers of people standing at the bar, he got frustrated. He turned to a girl who was taking up a lot of room at the bar and said to her “you are the weakest link, goodbye.” The girl was so offended she told the guy off and walked away. He was the next person who got a drink from the bartender. Common ironies.

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