When I think of guns, I think “safe.” Safe guns make a lot of sense, kind of like a dry ocean. I think back to Spring Break in Santo Domingo – guards at McDonalds with double-barrel shotguns, eight of 10 citizens with six-shooters in their back pockets – and I remember thinking, man, do I feel comfortable.
To be honest, I really did not start unwinding, I mean really feeling safe, until I had a gun pulled on my friend. And you know what bothers me about that now? I realize if I had gone to the College Republicans’ innovative new gun-shooting gathering (“CRs shoot for gun safety,” April 9, p. 1), I could have really been in a position to defend myself. I think with my magnum and some gun safety tips, I could shoot him between the eyes before he could say NRA.
So I admit after reading the quote of some young lad who was excited about his first gun shooting, I decided that it was about high time to find a new hobby. It is a fantastic rationale: I have to get a gun to protect myself from the other guy with a gun, who has to protect himself from the other guy with a gun.
Pretty soon, we will all have guns. And I am telling you, I cannot wait for the day when that happens, because I am starting to get a little tense walking all these dark streets at night with everyone unarmed. Plus, I need a little more excitement in my life. A school shooting every month just does not do it for me anymore. I am looking for about two a week.
The CRs are on to something: we will give some people guns to protect them from others with guns and then hopefully, a murder will take place. Now, and this is the best part, because we still have capital punishment – God bless that electric chair – we can kill the person who commits the murder. Keep this rotation going for about 10 years, and by that time, we will have cut our population by 10 percent. Thus there will be fewer people to feed, fewer people to educate, fewer people to care for.
The idea is to keep this process going until President George W. Bush’s tax policy makes sense. And when that day comes, I am going to take my rifle and fire into the air in celebration. Thanks to the CRs’ gun safety workshop, I will feel just fine doing it.
-Joe Costa
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