I’ve been kind of involved with this guy for a few months, nothing serious at all. We went out a few times and I asked him straight up what the deal was between us. (I’ve taken to striving for effective communication with members of the opposite sex, I’m sick of not knowing where I stand and playing games.)

The thing is, it’s kind of a long distance relationship and both of our lives are pretty hectic to try to carry it on. He has said repeatedly that it’s impossible for us to seriously stay together and we should just look at what we have as something for fun.

The problem is he does the opposite of what he says. He calls me at least once a week and came to visit me at school, and said he wants to come see me again. I don’t know if I should call him or how often, or even if I should offer to make the trip to see him because of this ambiguous behavior.

I keep asking myself what I want from the relationship, and the truth is I like the guy but don’t feel right now like he is “the one” or anything. I’m trying to take cues from him about how he feels but I can’t interpret his mixed signals. How involved should I allow myself to get and can I get hurt by letting myself like him too much?

-Conflicting cues

First of all, why are you asking permission to feel certain things? You are entitled to feel whatever you want whenever you want. If he is only calling once a week, and so big deal he came to visit for a weekend, he is holding to his stance of looking at what the two of you have as just fun. Ask yourself how often do you talk to other friends who aren’t in town? A call once a week should not be too misleading. He wants to come visit again, who would not want to go see a friend if it is not too expensive.

You are driving yourself crazy by second-guessing how often you should call or see him. If you feel like talking to him, call him. If you want to see him, have him come here or you go there. It is feasible to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex without actually defining what the relationship is.