STOPLIGHT: J Street worker spits before you swallow

He serves thousands of students a day in J Street. He’s been around for years. He is the one with the giant afro-mullet with six gold combs sticking out. He is Ty-foid Tyron Jennings.

Jennings is better known to students as Ty-foid because he never washes his hands. Several disease outbreaks on campus have been traced back to Jennings, but his job has never been in jeopardy.

“He actually helps us out. With all the overcrowding, losing a couple here or there doesn’t hurt,” J Street Food Nazi Randyfor Lions said. “The University makes up the difference by charging high prices for immunization shots.”

Rotating daily to different food stations in J Street, Jennings said he likes to get around and share himself wherever he goes.

“They put me in the deli station a lot,” Jennings said. “When they run out of mayonnaise they just send me with the empty container to the bathroom and BAM! Tons of mayo in less than five minutes.”

Jennings, born in D.C., said he likes giving back to the city he loves. He first came to GW in 1820, but the University did not exist yet so he was forced to leave. Jennings returned to GW in 1931 and has been here ever since.

“I’ve seen all the changes around here,” Jennings said. “I know the dirt on everyone. The only person who has been here longer than me is SA hack Just Peeinthe Backofmyford.”

According to Jennings, Hunger King is the most popular food station in J Street. During its construction last year Hunger King specifically called in scientific experts to make sure students could not easily see through the order grates. Jennings said the special design lets the employees to do weird stuff to the food without students realizing.

“I’ve seen workers spit on the burgers or run the hamburger patty up their ass crack and then serve them,” he said. “Me, I have more respect for the students. I just sometimes wipe my nose on the hamburger buns. They so soft and refreshing.”

Jennings rates the vegetarian food station the safest and cleanest merely because so few students actually eat there. Also, the vegetarian station is the training station for new J Street employees, and at this point they are not bitter and disgruntled.

The worst place, according to Jennings, is Taco Hell.

“Because all of the food in the tacos mesh together it’s hard to tell what is what,” Jennings said. “Most students just bite and don’t look, but if you look closely you will find all sorts of things in there. I’ve known students who have found dildos, rat tails and human body parts.

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Regardless of the downfalls of J Street, Jennings said he will keep working even after he dies.

“When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes mixed in with all the pepper shakers,” Jennings said. “I see it now, students saying can you please pass the Ty-foid. I just refuse to stop giving.”

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