Fitter, happier, more productive
Never paying for food
With a Mullet belly so seductive
Thurston 15 where are you?

You slapped our asses
And yelled “Whoa Nelly”
We gave you notes for classes
Production weekends were smelly

The king of beer pong
Dethroned by CORE luck
Office morale remained strong
Until Mullet Bowl IX, “you SUCK!”

Your reign began with Atilla
But Slechner was your test
Your Dr. Mario skills were killa
At 6 a.m. you were at your best

Hatchet pride and mullets galore
You led us to third-best
Withstanding Steinhardt and Roger Kapoor
All while trimming your chest

With those English 10 credits
On to law school, graduating in style
Through office violence while you edit
“Yo, put that in the quote file”