Kantdance awards Freeman full scholarship

Athletic Director Jack Kantdance is following the FBI’s lead by placing Adrian Freeman on the University’s Most Wanted list. Kantdance and the GW men’s basketball coach Tomas Pencil both want Freeman to play on the team, and have offered the former campus beanie-baby icon a four-year full ride.

“Well, he’d be such a great addition to the already stacked basketball team,” Kantdance said. “We just hope he can do for us what he did to those little girls back in Cleveland. I think he’ll fit right in with the rest of the guys,” Kantdance said.

Freeman said he has not made a decision as to whether he will play for GW. Freeman said he has not “had the best luck at GW,” but was enticed by the offer.

Pencil said he’d utilize Freeman for defensive purposes. Freeman displayed his quick instincts by eluding the nation’s top police force, the FBI, for seven years after he took a roll in the hay with some teeners.

While Freeman never played high school basketball (he didn’t attend high school), he’s been working on his jumper at Lorton Penitentiary ever since the University Police nabbed him outside Tower Records.

Kantdance said the University is also considering signing Lynwood Horace Wyatt, a 5-7 skinny guard who’s been on the run after he allegedly robbed student outside Corcoran Hall.

“We’ll offer it if we can ever find that guy,” Kantdance said. “He’d
look great in number 01053.”

-Arial Yawner

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.