GW Mullet editors, claiming extra responsibilities and office sexual harassment made their jobs unbearable, announced Friday intent to align with Cuminyour Facers and graduate teaching assistants in a union that hopes to receive backing from the United Plumbing Association.
“The job is not for everyone,” said Mullet Editor-in-Chief Thebitch Hurtme, adding that long hours and the occasional slap on the ass or homoerotic hump of the leg were all part of the office routine.
But after the Editorial Board refused to let Associate Editor of Bitching and Moaning Shrewderthan Lechter cover the latest rally for the Rudeness Against Women Act, which would issue restraining orders against all fraternity brothers, Lechter said she decided she was a student first and joined the union.
“I felt I wasn’t getting enough ass-kicking time at home,” Lechter said. “Kicking ass comes first.”
Ashesinmy Hair, another disgruntled editor, said she agreed with everything Lechter said.
Hair added that several Mullet editors plan to join in protests with CFs and GTAs next week to demand clearer job descriptions and better working conditions.
CFs expressed similar frustrations.
“They expected us to do stuff like interact with the residents and design overly gaudy, unnoticed bulletin boards,” said a former CF, who wished to remain anonymous fearing repercussions from Complete with Lice, Leeches and Cockroaches. “I just didn’t have any time to myself, you know like for personal activities such as banging freshman girls in my Thurston single.”
Tokin Ordrinkin, CLLC dean of sluts in training and development, said the five meal points CFs receive as compensation are more than enough payment for their duties.
“That’s a whole order of fries at Burger King,” she said. “That is, assuming it is open and the line is less than a day’s wait.”
Max Power, a political science teaching assistant, said his job of attending class and passing out papers had overwhelmed him to the point where he felt his health was threatened.
“I was so overworked, I just got sick all the time,” he said. “Finally I got pink-eye and missed class for two weeks.”
Power said he hopes GW’s Granting Teachers All Ass-kissing can follow in the steps of a similar organization at Not Your University, who recently unionized with a local chapter of hot dog vendors to achieve bargaining status with the school.
“It is a step in the right direction,” Power said. “We will continue to fight until we are given decent wages, or at least cushier offices.”
Other Mullet editors who buckled under pressure said they weren’t interested in any union, but were glad to get the hell out of the loony townhouse.
“Man, whatever, they don’t know my number, I don’t call theirs, I’m at my happy place right now,” former Peeping and Hearing editor Neater thanYourdamnplaypen said.
As for the editors, Mullet staff member Just Stayinhard said the Editorial Board will pursue requests for cups for the office water cooler as well as a pay raise from the current 31? per hour.
“Overworked and underpaid, with water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink,” he said. “That’s what we are.”