WEB COLUMN: Common Ironies

My computer is schizophrenic. Some days it works perfectly and other days it won’t even let me turn it on. Some days it turns on and automatically freezes, and that’s when it starts to play mind games with me.

As I patiently wait for a program to upload I see the little clock come up on the screen and the minute and hour hands moving. It’s the usual symbol that pops up letting me know that my computer is working on something. But what I’ve never understood is even if my computer is completely frozen – I can’t open a any programs, can’t exit any programs or get the mouse to work- the hands on the little clock icon keep on moving. Common ironies.

One of my friends recently got a girl friend. Everyday he walks her to her classes and shows up after the classes to pick her up and walk her somewhere else. It’s not just a college phenomenon. In high school I remember the same thing would happen. Boyfriends would show up at the door of the classroom where the girlfriend had a class, meet her, pick her up and then deliver the package securely to her next class.

If there were no boyfriends in the world to drop off all the girlfriends in the world, I don’t think a girlfriend would ever know how to get to class. It amazes me that every girl in the world can get where they need to get without accompaniment, but no girlfriends can. Common ironies.

I was in an elevator the other day and I pushed floor number four and a man in the elevator pushed floor number three. The man got off the elevator on the third floor when the doors open and he headed straight for the stairwell. What would you want to bet that the guy only needed to go to the second floor and would rather just walk one flight of stairs down instead of one flight up? Common ironies.

A friend of mine was pulled over for speeding a couple weeks ago. The police officer told him he was going 70 mph in a 55-mph zone. My friend told the police officer that his speedometer was broken and that his dad had made an appointment for him to get it fixed later that week. The police officer let him off.

A week later to the day my friend was pulled over again in the same exact spot for speeding, this time he was going 80 mph in the 55-mph zone. The police officer recognized him and said to my friend weren’t you pulled over here last week for the same thing and you said you were getting your speedometer fixed. My friend said yes, and that he did have his speedometer checked, but the mechanic must have over-adjusted the speedometer the wrong way. The police officer said “oh well you should have that rechecked” and let him off. My friend’s speedometer was fine. He really was just speeding. Common ironies.

You can tell a virgin cell phone user from a mile away. They are the ones who get all excited when their phone rings and they let the obnoxious ringer sound they have chosen scream on a few more times so they can draw attention to themselves and the fact that they have a cell phone. Eventually they get out of the virgin cell phone grace period and become like the rest of the normal cell-phone using population. But mothers are one class of people who never escape the virgin grace period. Most mothers who have cell phones rarely leave them on to get incoming calls, and forget leaving a voicemail because to them it is an enigma. It’s funny that mothers can raise a child without any kind of handbook, but a cell phone that comes complete with a user guide is foreign to them. Common ironies.

I subscribe to a couple of different magazines that each get delivered once a week. The name on the mailing label of one of the magazines is Sindy J. Ross. The name that appears on my bill for the same magazine is Cindy J. Roth. Common ironies.

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