Column: GW’s PR conspiracies

GW has had a number of claims to fame recently: inaugural activities, a celebrity basketball game, hospitalizing Vice President Dick Cheney, and then a few weeks later the White House gunman, and the usual campus activities. Since GW serves as a central location and is the second-largest property owner in the District, its facilities frequently house various political, athletic and celebrity events.

One of the inaugural events hosted by Vice President Cheney was relocated to the Smith Center from its original location because of the need for a larger venue. Apparently there was a surprise guest speaker, President George W. Bush. Most GW students were not given the opportunity to procure tickets for this event because it was limited to a specific audience. I do not know about others, but I would have liked to have seen that.

Just last weekend, the NBA All Star game came to town. I am sure many people witnessed the traffic jams and barrage of limousines throughout the city. Last Saturday morning I awoke unusually early and ventured through campus to get a head start on some work. Due to a heavy volume of traffic in front of the Smith Center, I was redirected to the opposite side of the street in order to get by.

I noticed a van that had Snoop Dogg’s face on the side. I then noticed a line of limos in the parking lot and saw a man directing traffic and yelling something about Lil’ Bow Wow and VIPs. This was so exciting! Who doesn’t love a celebrity citing?

As the entrance to the Smith Center grew closer in view, I did not see any GW students – or any students for that matter – going into the building. I saw mostly adults, couples and families going in. I was a little puzzled but figured that there was a reason why I do not usually get up this early on a Saturday morning: my brain cannot function properly. So I went on my merry way. On my way back home I realized that this was a celebrity basketball game, but GW students probably did not know about it because it was not advertised on campus. Famous rap artists descended on our campus and we didn’t even know about it until it was too late to buy tickets.

Should we not be allowed to go to events that are hosted on our own campus – a campus supported by the tuition that our parents pay for us to attend the school? It is not fair. Why are we prevented from going to these events and seeing all of the famous people? Sure, I do not listen to rap, but I want my claim to fame. This seems like a devious plot that school officials have devised to prevent us from going to these on-campus events. I think the officials are in cahoots with the professors so that all of our time outside of the classroom is devoted to studying.

This past week, Janeane Garafalo’s scheduled appearance for Feb. 25 was canceled. Something is fishy. There is definitely an evil plot against us students. I wonder if there is a secret lair under the Marvin Center, complete with a bald-headed, scar-faced doctor and his hairless cat. Who knows? There has been so much construction lately that no one knows what is being torn down and constructed.

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