Horror is a difficult genre to evaluate. Even popular horror films often lack interesting and original content. Only when one goes in to a horror movie with low expectations does the film’s quality stand a chance of surprising. But even low expectations cannot help Warner Bros. new release Valentine.
Although Valentineis well directed and offers fairly decent acting, the screenwriting of the movie is awful and the film’s brand of pseudo-suspense draws more laughs than shrieks.
The story of Valentine, while fairly simple, becomes incredibly convoluted and weak. Jeremy (Victor DiMorta) is severely abused at his eighth-grade Valentine’s Day dance, particularly by a clique of four girls for whom he has great affection.
Jeremy is driven to insanity and ends up in a mental institution. After being released from psychiatric care several years later, Jeremy takes on a new look with plastic surgery. No one, including the police, have any idea where, or who, he is. All they known is that Jeremy is out for revenge.
The original plotline gets lost in the shuffle of additional subplots that are introduced and quickly cast away. The movie opens with a novelty murder – the standard in the opening sequences of horror movies for the past 10 years.
Australian director Jamie Blanks, whose only past credit is directing the modest success Urban Legends, adeptly emulates every horror film of the 1990s. The characters are gradually introduced, along with their friends, neighbors, ex-lovers and parents, stepparents and everyone else the writers could cram into the movie.
Valentine‘s direction is actually quite superb, considering what Blanks had to work with. The drop-dead gorgeous Denise Richards (The World is Not Enough) stars as Paige Prescott – one of the four girls who fall victim to Jeremy’s revenge. Richards’ acting fits her character well. There is, of course, the obligatory bathtub scene with Richards, a draw for the young-male demographic that the film primarily targets. Marley Shelton (Never Been Kissed) plays Kate Davies fairly convincingly.
David Boreanaz, of the WB’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” television series, and familiar face to teeny-boppers everywhere, does a truly awful job playing Kate’s alcoholic boyfriend Adam. Jessica Capshaw (The Locusts) is just terrible as the insecure, slightly overweight girl of the group of four. Each of her lines comes across forced, her actions are awkward and deliberate, and she never truly develops an identity. Capshaw could stand to learn a thing or two from the only two actors in this movie who deserve any recognition at all: Richards and Shelton.
There is also a slew of bit-part supporting actors thrown in.
Valentine‘s biggest problem is not the second-rate acting or poor writing, but that it simply does not make sense. To explain further would spoil the film, but undeterred moviegoers should plan to leave the movie theater confused and befuddled by the time the film ends.
People often hold horror movies to a lower standard, claiming that “Good film-making isn’t what it’s about.” Scream was a dismal movie, but it was a great horror movie. Valentine is neither. With absolutely terrible writing, a flimsy plot and corny acting, Valentine is scary, but for the wrong reasons.
