I fell hard for this girl I work with. We work in a pretty intense setting, long hours and a lot of time together, but we became good friends outside of work, too. We both enjoy a lot of the same things, although we don’t necessarily hang out with the same kinds of people. Ever since we started working together though, I’ve felt that there’s some unspoken connection between us, something truly deep and meaningful, outside social structure and regular daily interaction.
But here’s where my problem is; I don’t know if the feelings I have for her are real or if they’re just a byproduct of cabin fever syndrome – the fact that I’m attracted to her because we’re together most of the time.
I’ve gotten mixed signals from her so I’m not sure if she feels the same way, but our job is only part-time so I’m willing to take the risk in the situation. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve truly cared for someone and I don’t want to let it slip away if it’s for real.
But if these feelings are just from cabin fever, does that invalidate the whole relationship from the very beginning? Even if these feelings are only from proximity, is there even anything wrong with that? This may be a situation I’ll kick myself for having missed or I’ll regret later because I didn’t see the obvious now. Arrrgh!!
-Sleepless in Seaside
`Um um . I like her but I’m scared. I need your help but I’m scared.’ This is what you sound like. You’ve got to build up your courage. Get some chutzpah.
People enter relationships for different reasons and whatever feelings you have for wanting to start the relationship, cabin fever if it may be, it doesn’t matter. You know you like her, that you have this “unspoken connection,” well it’s time to break that unspoken connection and get it in the open.
You said you don’t want this opportunity to slip away and that you’ll kick yourself for having missed it, so I don’t see what the problem is. You said you are willing to take the risk so JUST DO IT!
You don’t have to confess your love to her, start small by hanging out more outside the office. If something is meant to happen between the two of you it will, if not you tried and there will be no regrets.
* * *
I was with this guy for 11 months. It was a very serious relationship and we just went through a tough break up but we are friends now. The problem, we made plans to go away for Spring Break together. It’s all paid for, $700, and I can’t change the reservations nor do I want to lose the money.
We are going with another couple, and it isn’t that I don’t want to go but the setup is just bad. I’m worried that if we hook up again, which is sure to happen, it’s Spring Break, that it will send mixed messages and I don’t want to get back together with him. We will be sharing a bed in the hotel and it’s just a bad situation.
I really want to go, but just don’t want to have to go through breaking up all over again when we get back if we just hook up and he takes it the wrong way because he still likes me a lot.
– Baffled spring breaker
The obvious answer, if you are afraid of the repercussions of hooking up with him again, then just don’t. But who we you kidding? A little alcohol and all bets are off. You could always talk to him before you go and say you don’t want to hook up, but that might just get the idea in his head if he is not already thinking about it.
You’re best bet: make sure whenever you are drinking or in a situation that might facilitate hooking up between the two of you to never have it just be just the two of you. Hang out in groups of people.
A second suggestion, the minute you get to your Spring Break destination find some other person you can spend your week hooking up with and he will get the hint that you are just going as friends and nothing will re-spark between you two.