Spring Break Guide: Spring Break’s just beachy keen

To be?, or not to beach. That is the question. The answer is simple.

I’m tired of the 38-degree weather, with a below-freezing wind chill. I’m tired of going jogging at the Tidal Basin with a hooded sweatshirt, a pair of my nasty Old Navy gloves and a pair of worn-thin New Balances that I only own because I’m too lazy to by a new pair. I’m getting away.

I’m getting as far away as my parents will let me and my miniscule Hatchet paycheck can cover. I’m going with 10 of my closest friends to a destination in Baja California called Cabo San Lucas.

“Cabo San what?” you might be wondering. No, it’s not the Bahamas and it’s certainly not Cancun. It’s not the place to find half of Thurston Hall enjoying life without Community Facilitators. But I’ve got a feeling I’m going to find my fair share of food, folks and fun (with apologies to the now-defunct McDonald’s slogan).

Hailing from Maryland, I’m used to Northeastern weather spells (creatively named Nor’easters) that managed to snow out high school, but hardly ever GW. But although Maryland is called a southern state, we’re certainly not good enough for the southern heat in Hot-lanta or Miami. It’s not too often that I get to see a tequila sunrise, and the nearest beach – Ocean City, Md. – is not much of a vacation, especially this time of year.

To all my brothers and sisters from New York and New Jersey (that should be most of you), I’m sure you can relate. When the Hamptons are empty, and the Jersey shore is dead, you too should want to go someplace with 80-degree temperatures and white, sandy shores.

Why freeze at a ski resort and get a funky goggle tan when you can get a nice even, relaxing tan – and dare I say escape the aggravation of your consistently ringing cell phone.

To be fair, there are some drawbacks to heading for the beach. For one, the winter fat is still intact, and if you’re pale as a ghost like me, you might spend the entire week recovering from sun burn.

Are you going to get skin cancer in a week? You’ve got a better chance of getting into the MPA building on time.

And as for the partying – it’s a lot safer to sit on the beach and party, than ski down a mountain and party. And that’s why you’re on Spring Break in the first place, right?

Of course, staying at the beach does not come without its costs – and depending on where you are going and what you choose to do while you’re there, you’re wallet and bank account might end up emptier than Chik-Fil-A on a Sunday.

So when begging your mom and dad for an advance on your birthday present, play my second-favorite game: Pros and Cons.

Pros: A week of summery 80-degree weather, a chance to have a weeklong weekend, a chance to hang out with friends and a chance to escape the stoicism of university life, or enjoy an Epicurean debauchery – whatever the hell that means.

Cons: Money … and that 20-page paper due on Monday.

Like I said before, the answer is simple. Get your work done early and get the hell out of here.

So you’ve got a choice … you can stay home and try to learn Akeem’s (Eddie Murphy) part in Coming to America, like I did last Spring Break, or you can go on an exotic, off-the-hook, beach experience.

So when in doubt, do as Akeem did and go “sow your royal oats.”

And if sowing your oats is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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