Burying the Hatchet

My boyfriend and I have been going together for about two months. From the get-go we have both known that I am graduating in the spring and going to medical school on the West Coast; and that he is graduating this spring and continuing his schooling somewhere, but probably New York.

I know that I do not expect the relationship to continue after I graduate, nor do I want him to follow me out there, and I think he knows the realities too, but we have never come out and talked about it. I’m afraid to have “the conversation” because I do love the time we spend together and want to be with him for the next couple of months, but I worry that he might say there is no point in continuing the relationship if it is going to end in a few months anyway.

I’ve been taking the approach that if we don’t talk about it the problem does not exist but I fear he is getting too emotionally attached and it is going to get messy.

-Somewhat scared

Bottom line: you need to talk to him. Unless you have some secret powers you haven’t mentioned about being able to read people’s minds, you have no idea what he is thinking no matter how much you rationalize that you might.

Especially if he is increasingly becoming more emotionally invested in the relationship, you really need to talk. Relationships with circumstances that create definite ends become tricky in many facets. People often let down their guards and become emotionally attached because they are not worrying about something ending or going wrong in the relationship that would result in its end because an end already exists.

Ask yourself would you be heart broken if the relationship ended tomorrow? If the answer is yes, then you are emotionally attached and need to rethink why you keep telling yourself you can walk away, because it will be harder then you think. You are just suppressing your own feelings about him to protect yourself from the fear of getting hurt. If the answer to the question is no then you have nothing to lose by having a talk with him.

* * *

I have an embarrassing problem. Whenever I have sex it feels good but I never get to that point. My boyfriend and I have tried lots of positions and everything else but nothing seems to work. I know it isn’t him because I have had this problem with other guys as well. How do I fix my problem?

-Soliciting suggestions

You are probably not going to like this answer because it sounds like you have not done this already, but it is time to take matters into your own hands, literally. A guy is not going to know how to please you until you know what it takes to please yourself and you can give him directions.

Every girl is different, and although there are general guidelines, (insert penis here), that is about it. I have no doubt that your boyfriend wants you to enjoy sex and is willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen. If the idea of touching yourself doesn’t turn you on, think mechanical. There is nothing wrong with using a vibrator or a dildo to find out what works for you.

If you are embarrassed to do it on your own, bring your boyfriend in on it. Use the power tool together and give him directions on what feels good and what doesn’t. It will help him see what he has to do to please you, and it will be a huge turn on for him.

* * *

I hooked up with this girl who is a friend in a drunken stupor this past weekend at a party. She wants to start casually dating and I’m not sure what to do because she is one of my good friend’s ex-girlfriends. I asked him and he said it was cool, but who really knows what he is thinking.

-Friend faux pas

Standard problem, simple answer. Figure out how much you like this girl and if it is worth more to you than the friendship, which you will be putting in jeopardy from your actions. You probably know her well if she went out with one of your good friends for a while.

Do you think the two of you will be good together or is she just a warm body? As a rule of thumb you are supposed to choose friends over the opposite sex, but all cases are different. Ask yourself why did it take a drunken stupor for the two of you to hook up? Have you ever thought of being with her before this recent incident? By asking yourself these questions you will figure out if the girl is more valuable than the friendship.

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