Front-page headlines flop

I am an avid reader of our beloved school newspaper and indulge in the wealth of information it provides me on a weekly basis. I can only imagine what an undertaking it must be to produce just one edition of The Hatchet and I am grateful for this free service provided to our students and the University. I would imagine the most time consuming of all the elements of the paper is the front page.

The front page is figuratively and literally the face of the newspaper. It’s the first thing your readers see in the morning. It’s what gets their proverbial ball rolling. I can only imagine the care and meticulous handling that the front page is dealt with being the most important page in the whole paper. Bearing this in mind, I would like to address the matter of last the Oct. 16 Hatchet cover.

Let us ponder for a while the groundbreaking headline that jumped off the page of that edition of The Hatchet. Let it captivate you. Let it wrap you with its wisdom and depth, with its edgy and witty flavor. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Family Weekend draws parents. Eureka! Stop the presses! No, really, stop the presses. Family Weekend draws parents? Well I certainly hope so. Of all the things that family weekend could draw, I suppose family is the most suitable.

But wait sports fans, there’s more. Delving into the body of this enticing news flash, the first thing we discover is, wait … sit down for this one. Family weekend offered a wide variety of Family Weekend events. Yes, that’s right. As the great philosopher Gomer Pyle once said, Soo-prise, Soo-prise, Soo-prise! The writer did continue to list the events in no particular order, but boy what an intro. O for two.

Come on, this isn’t the Redskins at the beginning of last year’s season; this is our distinguished front-page staff and writers. I know I’m being picky, but honestly, am I the only one whose eye this caught? Am I the only one who noticed this overwhelmingly unexciting and self-mocking attempt at news drifting among what are usually appealing and intelligent headlines?

Take the Oct. 18 issue for example. Forum shows tension. Good, beautiful attention grabber. What kind of forum? What was the tension about? What do you picture your readers thinking when they read last the Oct. 16 headline? What Family Weekend? What parents? As many before me have stated, I think not.

I’m sure this editorial will be filed promptly under recycling, but I just though I’d bring this inconsequential little matter to your attention. No harm done, just an observation.

-The writer is a freshman with an undecided major in the business school.

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