In an effort to shed our image as a bunch of bleeding-heart liberals, we at The Crotch-Itch have in the past lashed out against the Graduate Teaching Assistants and Adjuncts Alliance and suggested that bums should be shot on sight.

The underlying message in these editorials is that we don’t care about the insane and poor people of the world. Really now, why should we care about poor people? None of us are poor.

Sure we’ve had our advantages in life: growing up in suburbia, Daddy’s credit card and attending fine preparatory schools. So what, that’s capitalism. Our parents worked hard, so why shouldn’t we reap the benefits?

Our message to the GTAAA – The Crotch-Itch doesn’t appreciate your hard work and dedication to students, you can go sleep on a park bench with the bums as far as we care. Why did we decide that all bums should be shot on sight? One of our editors was startled by a homeless man (not to mention that the homeless man was probably more startled by him).

Heck, one of our editors gave an argument against the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (you know, the act that ended racial segregation). He’s the guy with the pre-pubescent chest you see in the sports section (hint, hint).

Basically, we at The Crotch-Itch are a bunch of assholes. In keeping with the spirit of American capitalism, we don’t care about anyone but ourselves. So fuck off, we’re going to the mall.