Prez Shaft rallies against the man

Newly elected SA president Shaft Burnt shook shit up Wednesday afternoon in the first annual Rally Against The Man, an event coordinated by the Shaft regime from GW and Howard Universities.

I’ve got the power now, boyeee, Shaft shouted to the crowd with funkadellic music playing in the background. We’re gonna bring down this establishment and force them to give the power back to the people, the SA people.

Thousands of screaming girls were present at the event hoping to get a glimpse of the newly elected tropical-island wonder.

Um, I’m not sure like what, um, this is supposed to be, um, but I think Shaft is like so dreamy, so I’m like all for it, said an adoring fan, who noted her interest in the hunk of a man was sparked by a revealing e-mail about the extraordinary size of Shaft’s unit.

Yeah, fuck `The Man,’ or whatever, she added.

Crotch-Itch editor Fondly Dreamingofyou was spotted jaw-dropped and flustered at the event. When reminded that Burt was a frat boy, Dreamingofyou responded, Yeah, but this is different.

As Shaft threw money he won in Atlantic City to the crowd, he reminded the students that he has more money, power and respect than GW President Scaredand Trembling.

Listen people, we coming hard next year, and we’re not going to stop until we get our due, he said.

President Trembling sat in his office manned by armed guards clutching his new VP Mini-Me (see story p. 1).and comforted by Crotch-Itch Editor The Berger.

I never did anything to upset that man, Trembling commented. What’s his deal, I mean the students are cool with me, they call me `Biggie.’ Why doesn’t he go fight `The Man’ at Georgetown?

Four students, two from each university, were present to listen to the new prez’s emphatic call to riot at administrators’ officez and take hostages until the SA gets some props and mad respect from GW. Two of the attendees left to step out of the light, and the other two passed out next to empty bottles of liquor.

Former troll-like election puppet-master Stalin Makethebomb was found in the back of the event decked out in a homemade Rambo outfit, complete with guns and ammo.

We’re preparing for Armegeddon here, Makethebomb said. Shit’s going down next year, and I’m going to make sure Shaft is ready for the fight.

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