Adios, our Italian tyrant: a farewell to DiMeglio

Four years ago a girl named Fran
Set foot on Foggy Bottom
Balls in hand, with Mafia connections
She went out to set shit straight

Four years later
A force to be reckoned with
From frat house to frat house
She earned the title Big Fran

GW Fraternities
Don’t let our shoes hit you on the way out

Kappa Sigma
She acted tough, but we know we could have banged her. Does she need a good dentist?

Students for a Sensible Francesca
Just when we got our funding and everything, she’s leaving. We’re setting up a satellite branch in Fort Lee.

Mickey Girlsihando, asst. vice president of fun
I always knew that girl was trouble. She makes being vice president of fun a hard job.

Vice President Bob Surenuts
She was always a special friend to me. Was there ever anything between The Berger and her? Now that would be one hell of a wedding.

The national Italian soccer team
Thanks for the support, tell Papa we miss him.

GW Hatchet
Her temporary lapses into whoring and drunkeness have us worried, but we’re sure she’ll be fine.

Contributing poets:
Steamy Postcards
Rushed Restrainingorder

Good Riddance, Little Troll: a farewell to Berger

Four years ago a boy named The Berger
Set foot in Foggy Bottom
Pen and notebook in hand
He set out to become King of The Hatchet

Four years later
A Special editor he became
To the GW community,
He was something of a troll

The Student Association says `Bye, Bye Berger’
We didn’t like him four years ago and burn his columns now. And where’s our SA millennium?

GW fraternities say `We’ll miss The Berger’
Our lawyers have advised us not to comment on this issue.

U-Wire Washington says `Good luck Dallas’
We sent the wild turkeys, the killer kangaroos, and Hurricane Floyd, but there was just no getting rid of The Berger.

SJT
He’s like a son .wait. Bob, get me a tissue.

The Senior Class
You know when you get a big splinter in your ass, and you just can’t get it out.that’s our Berger.

SMPA Professors
We would like to thank Berger and his buddy Trachtenberg for the $2,000 fee suggestion. His commission is on the way.

The GW Hatchet
Eh.

Contributing poets:
Frankly De Meaning
Rich-on Morphine
Steamy Postcards
Rushed Restrainingorder

Production — Make this a schedule

The Real Deal On Rush:

Meet the brothers of Kappa Sigma:
From a table in J Street
They spy freshman meat –
Backstreet Boys in heat
Sex toys, their ONLY feat
Events:
Finding beauty in blow-up dolls
How to avoid shady Hatchet reporters

Meet the brothers of Delta Tau Delta:
Feminists – yeah, that’s what we are
Hooters & shoe trees, we’re up to par
Animal House frat boys, we are NOT
We merely worship women a LOT
Events:
Take Back the Night
How to get the girls Kappa Sig can’t

Meet the brothers of Lambda Chi Alpha:
Forget the girls and the booze
With each other, we schmooze
Saving the world is our goal
Being good GW boys, our role
Event:
The Million Mother March

Meet the brothers of Alpha Epsilon Pi:
Everybody’s favorite pharmacy
Perpetual outsiders in the IFC
We’re the ones on our cell phones
From mommy & daddy, we take loans
Event:
Black – errrr. We mean Stock – Market 101

Meet the brothers of Phi Kappa Psi:
We had kegs long after BYOB
We’re the coolest frat you’ll see
No one ever remembers our name
No matter – frat boys are all the same
Event:
Keg Stands and Beer Bongs (we’re still allowed to do that, right?)

Meet the sisters of Sigma Phi Epsilon:
Diapers is what our president wears
GPAs and brotherhood, our only cares
Our greatest contribution(s) are to The Hatchet
When we control the press, our goal will be met
Event:
Hatchet Open House

Meet the former brothers of Sigma Chi:
We tied up a bro to bondage – I mean, bond
And it was all over with a flick of a wand
Lost our charter and leeches want our house
All because GW said each of us was a louse
Event:
Canceled

Meet the best of GW sorority women:
The Hatchet must not forget us this time
We never fall for any come-on lines
The right letters, he must wear
To get the chance to touch us there
Events:
Looking for peanut butter in all the wrong places
Making the most of cleavage