`Making the Girl’ reveals how to be the next Britney

You’ve seen Making the Band. It’s the show where a few special guys are selected to become the next boy-band sensation. And you knew this show would follow close behind. It’s Making of the Girl. And anyone can be the next Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera or Mandy Moore.

However, the producer of the show, Aaron Spelling, says it’s not as easy as everyone thinks it is. There will be a long list of criteria that will be used to find the next girl.

After a few hours of prodding, Spelling cracked under the pressure and disclosed the things you must-have if you want to be the next big hit. Anyone can show up to audition – after all, that is the basis of the show – but the girl who finally gets picked will need to be (or be willing to be) all of the following.

Before you even consider showing up to the audition, take a look in the mirror, because there is definitely a specific look Spelling is after. First, make sure you have blond hair. It can be white blonde like Christina’s, dirty blonde like Britney’s or Jennifer Simpson’s, or plain blonde like Mandy’s. However, it must be blonde.

Look what happened to Britney when she went to brown hair, Spelling said. That song, `From the Bottom of My Broken Heart,’ where she’s got the brown hair, didn’t even make it to the second spot on TRL. But all of her videos with blonde hair made it to No. one.

Keep looking in the mirror. You need to be cute but have that fuck-me-now-boy look. If you’re too pure, you won’t make the cut. And sleazy girls are definitely out. You need to find the perfect balance. Jennifer Simpson is the master of this look. As a 19-year-old, she’s cute and a virgin. But, she’s dating the 26-year-old Nick Leshay from 98 Degrees. Give it a few months before she checks her V-card. But, for now, she’s got the look mastered.

Before you turn away from the mirror (and if you have any hope of being the next girl you are not tired of looking at yourself), make sure you have a nice-sized chest or a flat stomach. Although she’s flat as a board, Christina’s got the flattest tummy around. And Britney, well, you all know Britney’s assets. Even if you don’t have these assets, but are willing to get them one way or another, you still have a chance.

Tori will be giving seminars on plastic surgery, Spelling said of his daughter who plays Donna on Beverly Hills, 90210. She knows a lot about plastic surgery. Besides, all girls are not born with the perfect breasts, butt or nose. As long as they’re willing to change, they definitely have a chance.

Spelling quickly noted that the show will not be footing the bill for the cosmetic surgery unless it is for Tori, who most likely will be auditioning.

The next item on the list of criteria is an ability to sing. Spelling is not looking for a particular sound, but simply a talented singer. He said that the girls out in the music business today encompass all sorts of sounds. There’s the soulful Christina, the sugar-sweet Britney and whatever words describe how Mandy and Jennifer sound.

Dancing is also must. However, while this may sound easy, you must be able to dance, sing and manage to keep on a tube top that acts like a Band-Aid over your tits.

We feel that skin sells, and it sells even better when you’re jumping around getting all sweaty, Spelling said. We also admire girls who can rip off clothing so they can go from that modest look to something a little more saucy.

Spelling also says that he is looking for a girl with good values, but not too much intelligence. He says having morals and having brains do not go hand-in-hand.

Smart girls are intimidating, he said. We want to create the aura of an easy girl, aaah, but our girl is not easy because she’s got morals. See the difference? Christina gave a wonderful speech at the Grammy Awards. It was full of `like-yeahs’ and `ya knows.’ But, she also thanked God. It was exactly what you look for.

Spelling says there are a few more criteria, but he refused to tell what they were.

We can’t give too many hints, he said. If we do, all of the girls will be just what we’re looking for, and we won’t have anyone to make fun of during the auditions.

The show will hold auditions in areas with a high level of white trash, but they will also make some other pit stops outside of the white-trash neighborhoods.

The show should air next year but may be delayed if Tori decides to have her hip bones taken out and her boobs enhanced just one more time.

Third times a charm, she murmured. (Her lips were still swollen from collagen injections at the time of the interview.)

Whenever it airs, Spelling promises a show that will put MTV’s Spring Break to shame. That should clue you into some of the criteria that he’s not talking about.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.