After a FOX-5 report that aired last week, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has opened an inquiry into the so-called Smith Center Mafia, the Bureau announced Friday.

FOX-5 discovered that although ostensibly, the GW athletic department was full of competent, easygoing and friendly employees, something sinister appeared to lurk underneath. The station found evidence that several of the administrators in the department, located at 22nd and G streets, used odd colloquialisms, dressed a little too snazzy, and generally comported themselves in a Mafia-like manner.

FOX-5 noted four employees in particular as exhibiting sings of Mafia involvement. They are (by aliases): Jack the Ripper, The Domino, Tommy the Pen, and Tony the Rat.

I don’t know why dese feds tink we got all dis green heah, said Jack the Ripper. Between you, me and da lamppost, I ain’t got two nickels to rub togedda!

The FBI justified its investigation by using the phrase probable cause.

There’s just a few too many stereotypes running that joint, said an FBI agent who requested anonymity. I mean, you got all these guys who grew up together in Connecticut, saying things like `you, me and the lampost’ and what not – talking like Tony Soprano. Then you’ve got a basketball coach who wears Italian loafers, a pinky ring and a full-length leather overcoat. Look, if I didn’t check this out, I wouldn’t be doing my job.

As Tony the Rat was taken in for questioning Friday afternoon, the atmosphere was tense around the Smith Center, particularly when the G-Men (or the fuzz) arrived.

Ya’ screwed me again, `Domino,’ ya’ screwed me again! Tony the Rat could be heard screaming as he was ushered out of the building for questioning.