The Bar Belle offers tips for the singles on Valentine’s Day

For your reading enjoyment, the Bar Belle took time out of her busy schedule to advise singles what to do on Valentine’s Day. And yes, as hard as it is to believe, the Bar Belle is single.

So the world has puked pink and red, and you don’t have a date. You can cry. You can pout. You can sulk. And you can drink. So after you’ve cried for a bit or just bitched about how Valentine’s Day is a useless holiday, go out to a bar and go dancing.

But, it is still Valentine’s Day, so you should celebrate in some way. Here’s the Bar Belle’s ways to put a little bit of love in your night.

First, wear some bit of pink or red in your fabulous outfit. Don’t overdo it, but most people at the bar like a festive bargoer. And who knows, it could pay off in free drinks.

Second, down red or pink drinks, like cranberry and vodka or sex on the beach. To fulfill this duty, you also can drink shots with sexual names. A blow job or buttery nipple are good places to start.

Third, dance your pants off like you’ve been bit by the love bug. And let’s face it. Everyone in the bar is going to be single, so if you get your groove on, you probably will get some attention.

Fourth, blow lots of money. This is exactly what you would do if you actually had a boyfriend/girlfriend, so why not create the illusion. And besides, you’re worth it. At least, the Bar Belle is.

And the final element to your perfect evening – hook up on the dance floor. The Bar Belle has a friend who is famous for pulling off this feat, and he always leaves the bar with a smile on his face.

If none of this works for you, sit at home with a box of chocolates and sulk. The Bar Belle, however, will be out on the town.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.