To: theOther@gwu.eduFrom: email@example.comRe: As Mae West Would SayHow can I say what’s been said before so often and so well? How can I ask you to go out with me? Should I say, as Elvis would, that when you come into our discussion my heart beats so it scares me to death? Maybe I should talk about your intelligence and insight. No one seemed to understand proportional representation and its real possibility to revitalize our politics as well as you.I’ve just got to see you.
To: firstname.lastname@example.orgFrom: theOther@gwu.eduRe: Re: As Mae West Would SayWow, that was really sweet.I’d like to see you too.On Friday, some friends and I are going to this new place in Cleveland Park. It’s an Irish Bar, but not an Irish bar- do you know what I mean? Anyway, you should come along.
To: theOther@gwu.eduFrom: email@example.comRe: Dinner and a MovieI really enjoyed last night’s pre-fabricated ethnicity and drunkenness. The thing I enjoyed most though was being near you. The way the light shone in your eyes as you threw back that Kamikaze shot, or the way you sang You Can Be Irish, but It’ll Cost Ya, or the way we danced… Who can say? But I’d like to see more of you, that’s for sure. Can we do something more datelike? Dinner and a movie?
To: theOther@gwu.eduFrom:firstname.lastname@example.orgRe: Carnal KnowledgeCan it be that you are the one who will lessen the pressure of the loneliness that pushes outward from the inside of my chest making me as light and fragile as a soap bubble?There was something in our lovemaking. Something that made me forget the meaninglessness of schoolwork, the shallowness of my friendships, hatred of my pointless job – for nearly 15 minutes it’s as if the whole Void was filled.But did it happen too soon? Is there a price to pay for such pleasure?
To: theOther@gwu.eduFrom: email@example.comRe: The Horror, The HorrorWhere have you been? I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I feel like Marlow: searching for Kurtz (you), only you find the horrible emptiness of modern life.It’s a nightmare, Kafka-esque even. I call your room and get a different roommate every time. They say they give you the messages, but how do I know?Oh it’s hard. Sometimes I can’t even get to class. I just sit in my room reading Heidegger and watching VH-1. This is life without you.
To: firstname.lastname@example.orgFrom: theOther@gwu.eduRe: Not Just Another Forward (FWD)A little boy named Johnathan is dying of cancer he got as a result of eating chicken from KFC (their chicken, as you know, is actually grown from highly toxic spores developed by a new biotech firm). Johnathan has prayed to Jesus every night to be cured, but so far Jesus hasn’t responded.Now that Microsoft has acquired the Holy Roman Catholic Church, Bill Gates and the Pope have agreed to pass the word on to Jesus directly!! if you help!!Pass this on to everyone you know, and Microsoft will keep track of the number of people who have read it. After it reaches 10 million people, Jesus will be asked to intervene, and Johnathan will be cured!Also, every millionth person who passes it on will get $2,745 from Microsoft for being concerned about a little boy. Please take this seriously, someone somewhere far away is dying!
To: email@example.comFrom: theOther@cnn.comRe: Busy, BusyIt might be. I’m super over-worked.I just got this really cool internship at CNN. It’s not cool – the work that is. But the people here are really cool. You can tell they really care about the news.Let’s not close the door here though. I may still run into you.What do you do on Tuesday nights? Maybe I’ll see you at Days.