This past Thursday I took the GRE and had planned on serving up a delicious satire of the test’s questions. You know, stuff like Trees are to goat cheese as a lunar rover is to a) political science, b) Louis XIV, c) a rake, or d) pingpong.
But then my roommate Chris reminded me that not many underclassmen know about the GRE and that analogy questions are clich?. In fact he tells me that making jokes about analogy jokes being clich? is clich?. Well, who’s got the damn column, smartass?
Anyway, with all that went on in Student Association politics last week, I figured I couldn’t pass up the jokes that this situation has afforded. Let’s look at last Monday’s big headline, Senate impeaches Meisner.
You’ve really got to give the Senate credit for this move. Skipping the independent counsel phase and moving right in for the kill. They even had eight articles for removal. I think Meisner might be able to dodge some of these.
3. Attempt to enter into a contract with Zambelli Fireworks Internationale without the approval of University officials. Give the guy a break, he was just trying to give the students the best six minutes of entertainment $10,000 could buy. 7. Made false and misleading statements to the Senate. Come on, false? misleading? Isn’t this just an argument of semantics?
I think he might need to be concerned about articles four and five – these were about the budget and financial matters, and that’s how the feds got Capone. Not that I’m saying that Phil is a latter-day Scarface.
Then again there’s Thursday’s headline, Meisner plans to dissolve SA. Come on Phil, even Hitler had enough sense to torch the Reichstag before he shut it down. Don’t be so hasty; try firing some underlings to blow off steam. That and copious amounts of vodka work for Boris Yeltsin.
Apparently Phil’s counter junta involves forming a new student government. Fair enough, but who exactly gets to decide the structure of this new student government? From what I gathered the people who would have a say in the new government would be the people who are already part of the government. Phil – impeached president of the non-functioning SA – the administration and Board of Trustees – correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t a student government be created by the students – and other student leaders – what other student leaders? The captain of the water polo team?
But what kind of ideas are these leaders going to come up with? Why not let the people, the real students, decide? The French revolution didn’t really get heads rolling until the Parisian mob locked up the monarchy and the bourgeoisie. So what if it led to 20 years of war that destroyed most of Europe? Maybe if we’re lucky we can get a crazy little man to crown himself emperor and usher in a new age. No, not you Mr. Mandelbaum.
So I say let’s have the common students have their say. Half the common students at GW think they’ll be President of the United States someday, and here’s their chance to practice. Surely all those political science students have enough knowledge of government to form one. OK, bad example.
But there are other students out there that might know how to form a government. I’m sure those theater majors could come up with a nice parliamentary system with checks and balances. Everyone has an opinion, give ’em a forum to express it.
I myself have a few ideas that would help to building a classless utopia here at GW. We could end the eternal Coke or Pepsi dispute by just selling both. Why can’t we? Is J Street too small for multiple soda machines? So what if we don’t get a lucrative marketing deal with one company or the other. We can recoup the lost revenue by dumping George Washington and selling our University’s name off to the highest bidder.
We could stop getting bands that only three people care about for Fall Fest and Spring Fling and use the saved money on something everyone wants – more free T-shirts.
And how about doing away with the elections and replacing them with an all-inclusive student lottery? I don’t think we could do any worse with John Q. Student running the show.