So what’s on your minds as you return to GW – filling its residence halls, classrooms, parking spaces and nearby bars to capacity and beyond? What, as you unpack and move into your room with your own phone and Internet (!!!XXX Pics/NAKED GIRLS, LIVE!!!) connection?

From what I’ve heard, you’d like to hear how random people spent their summers. Okay:

Angela says hers was all right. She was here.

Mike went home, it was okay.

Brian went to Turkey. Turkey was awesome, he says.

Marc went home too. He worked, he says. Do you detect some bitterness there? Is it possible that Marc didn’t have a good summer? You want to probe, then you realize that you don’t really care.

I think we can move on to campus and how much it’s changed.

What, with all the fountains, gates, impending buildings and statues, not to mention the change in the Marvin Center basement, which now resembles a brightly painted parking garage – you’d hardly recognize the place. Luckily for you, everyone here still looks alike.

Oh yes, the lines in the bookstore are long. Who would have guessed?

Now that we are all caught up and accept the fact that we are here at GW, we should talk about the great events of the summer. The national stories that bound us all together.

There was the death of John F. Kennedy, Jr. His riches to riches story inspired us all. It sure made me wish I had been born into great wealth and power.

There was a rash of shootings, which I was opposed to. There was also Ricky Mania, which I favored. Nothing brings our nation with its many faiths, political beliefs and sexual preferences together like a man who can really move his pelvis.

Did someone old and famous die? An icon, like Johnny Carson, or a trail-blazing heroine, like Martha Stewart? If they did, we have lost a national treasure, and we must supply the elderly with fans.

Enough current events. How are our classes going?

Mary Anne seems excited about primatology.

I’m enjoying analytic philosophy. It’s going to be a challenge though. Will I pull through?

Well, I’ll give you a call some time. It’s been too long since we’ve hung out. I would write your number down, but I don’t want you to see that I’ve forgotten your name.