This year, has been one of the most productive years ever for the Student Association. It has accomplished more this year than any other SA has ever even attempted to do. Students should be extremely impressed with the leadership exhibited by their elected leaders this year. The fact that those meanies in Rice Hall never listened to anything the SA said is besides the point. Also irrelevant is the fact that students don’t know/understand/care what the SA is. What everyone needs to remember – and what we have now made our mission to constantly harp on – is that the SA is just Grrrrrreatttt!!!!
In a poll paid for by MS Hatchet’99 and conducted by the Jointly Evading Competence commission, we found that out of 10 people queried, only two knew what the SA was. The other eight students didn’t. They are just stupid. We will use our powers as a monopoly to destroy their lives at GW. Any student groups they have been a part of will never receive any coverage from us. We are the puppetmasters.
The SA’s idea to have a Rally Against Tuition (RAT) was absolutely brilliant. Even though RAT attracted only five students (four of whom organized the event, the other was that homeless women who wanders the campus muttering to herself), it was still fabulous. Likewise, that other rally that gave students four cents to illustrate something or other was also, like, really good. Anything that went wrong with the SA was clearly our fault. We actually cause all the student apathy and SA incompetence. Gosh, golly, darn it, our hats are off to you guys.
As a result of our newfound enlightenment regarding the SA, we will never again speak badly of it. We shall also never again publish (or make up) any letters to the editor or op-eds that criticize the SA. Whenever the SA needs us to be their mouthpiece, just give us a call. Remember: we’re here for you.
This article appeared in the April 1, 1999 issue of the Hatchet.