SA calls for topless Thrustin women

Freshman Sen. Unsheathed Hardon introduced a piece of legislation at Tuesday’s Make-Pretend Senate calling for all females in Thrustin’ Hell to go topless at least once a week.

“See, this is all about equal rights and keeping it real,” Hardon said.

“I think it is entirely unfair that I can be liberated enough to walk around topless and let sorority girls write on my chest. I say let the chicks walk around topless so they can have decorated chests too,” he spurted out.

Some of the senior citizens who are still in the Senate said they thought pieces of legislation such as this were a waste of time.

“This is what . ah . I . I’m talking about. This is why we . ah . ah . must split this shit up,” graduate Sen. Emily I. Amjustcominginfromrunning said at the meeting.

“Grads don’t care . ah . a . about what you stupid undergrads do. Now, can we please talk about more important pieces of legislation, like this resolution I’m sponsoring to commemorate the removal of graduate Sen. Blackturd’s braces?” she mumbled incoherently.

The legislation failed to come to a vote, however, because quorum could not be achieved after undergraduate Sen. Baron von Slacker (CMYASS) left to go to get slop from J Street.

This reporter/muckraker later caught up with Sen. von Slacker in J Street and agreed to buy him an extra order of fries if he agreed to comment on his thoughts about the legislation.

“Well, I felt I was doing my fellow alphabet-letter members a favor by leaving so they couldn’t vote on the legislation tonight,” Slacker said as he stuffed his mouth with greasy fries.

“Sen. Hardon has good intentions, but this is an important issue that we need to think about a bit. I’m thinking maybe we should form some kind of ad hoc Committee on Topless Thrustin’ Chicks to look into the issues surrounding this,” he said, acting as if this was the first time his two brain cells worked together cohesively.

Hardon later said he is open to the possibility of an ad hoc committee and hopes to discuss it at a future Senate meeting.

In the meantime, Hardon said he would like to extend an invitation to any young women in Thrustin’ Hall who feel constrained by their shirts and bras to come join him at his fraternity house, Sexually-Afflicted Elitists.

“We’ve got lots of markers ready,” Hardon said.

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