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AN INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SERVING THE GW COMMUNITY SINCE 1904

The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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PAUL closes in Western Market
By Ella Mitchell, Staff Writer • April 22, 2024

`N Sync makes motion picture

Following in the footsteps of fellow super-group the Spice Girls, ‘N Sync announced this week it will star in its own motion picture. The film will be about five guys in a band who are obsessed with New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys and try to emulate their icons.

“When I first read the script, I could just picture us in the roles,” said ‘N Sync member Joey Fatone Jr. “We are really talented, good-looking guys so we knew we would be a box office success.”

According to Fatone, filming will begin in the fall after the band finishes its tour with former NKOTB member Jordan Knight. Make a mental note: The concert will make a stop in D.C. and tickets are limited.

After skyrocketing to stardom with the hit, “God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You,” members of ‘N Sync started getting noticed in malls and on the streets.

“It really wasn’t that different from what we were all used to,” Fatone said. “We’re all really good-looking guys with great style so girls always throw themselves at us. The only difference is that these girls are a little bit younger, but they always say boys mature slower than guys.”

Fatone said the group envisions an ‘N Sync trilogy, followed by several prequels that depict the band’s rise to stardom.

“Shit, George Lucas did it, why can’t we?” Fatone said. “I mean, our sophomoric hairspray, bubble-gum style will never get old. ‘N Sync is here to stay!”

‘N Sync is known for a distinct style that separates it from other groups in the industry today. With a scarcity of untalented performers who try to make it big by selling their mugs to pre-pubescent girls, ‘N Sync has filled a niche that’s been left empty for too long.

Casting directors are holding auditions for supporting roles in the film, but Fatone noted that most of the film will be pictures of ‘N Sync. Pamela Lee and Jennifer Love Hewitt are rumored to be auditioning for the role of girlfriend for one of the guys. If they are unavailable, auditions will be held for large breasted women who cannot act.

No title has been chosen for the film yet, but suggested titles include ‘N Sync World; One Band, Many Names or Out of Sync. Whatever the title, band members feel it will be a box office blowout.

“Who wouldn’t pay seven dollars to stare at our larger than life faces for a few hours? I don’t even think I need to answer that question,” Fatone said.

The film should open in theaters worldwide some time next spring.

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