The recently opened GW Women’s Center is a pile of rubble today, after it collapsed Wednesday morning under the weight of its own self-importance.
“It’s been on the brink of collapse for weeks,” said M. Power Edd, head of facilities at GW’s Mount Vernon campus. “I’m surprised it took this long.”
The center’s limit was exceeded by women occupying the building with feelings that their center was “the shit” and no one can mess with them, according to the random scraps of paper that served as the University’s Make-Believe Police reports.
Earlier reports based on pure speculation indicated that the collapse was a terrorist retaliation by the less-important GW men’s center, located on GW’s Virginia campus in Southeast Bumblefuck, Va. Many of the surviving self-important women strongly believe that the collapse is a result of male hatred.
“As strong womyn, we are empowered and we will unite to find these low-life scum and show them who is really important!” said GW women’s center advocate Dolores Mulva.
“It is unacceptable that the men’s center can do this shit. Just because they’re pissy doesn’t mean that they can kick our asses out of Mount Vernon. We stand united!” she said.
After an extensive investigation by the forensics division of UM-BP, the true cause of the collapse was uncovered.
Experts found a high amount of self-importance still remaining amid the rubble. This finding, according to a homeless man on the street corner, was the real cause of the collapse.
Members of the GW men’s center were shocked, but not surprised by the report.
“We knew all those chicks were empowered, especially because they had a building of their own to do each other’s hair in,” said men’s center founder T. E. Stosterone.
“Everyone knew that combination of shoddy GW buildings and lots of self-important women was a recipe for disaster,” Stosterone said.
Simply Arichkid President-elect Feel Myassir held a press conference late yesterday evening to ease fears and offer his support.
“Those who gave their lives to the cause of raising awareness and self-importance among women will be missed,” said Myassir, as one of his aides held back his tears.
“But we will press on. All womyn, everywhere!” he said.