Disgruntled reporter speaks on frat boy fiascoes

Greek letters blazoned across broad chests
(but mostly not-so-broad chests) – the eternal April fools.
Budweiser, Lowenbrau and Rolling Rock, their only tools.

Always a bastion of raunchy news –
public drunkenness and debauchery.
With frat boys, reporters NEVER lose.

Lambda Chi Alpha tried to sell the pretty-boy bro in `99
but, in the SA elections, he got burned by the system PINE.
Like Sigma Chi the year before, mourning a pretty-boy loss.
One-too-many parties and the IFC gave Sigma Chi the toss.

Alpha Epsilon Pi rued rush interfering with Rosh Hashanah.
But religion never stopped ’em from asking girls, “Do you wanna .?”
But an AEPi created the ad hoc committee on party instructions,
proving what little knowledge is gained from SA-Greek functions.

Kappa Sigma abounds with student leaders – “80 million members strong.”
Invading campus like contagious disease, their coup d’?tat won’t take long.
When trouble comes, Kappa Sigma always escapes with too much ease.
Always and forever, the goody-goodies. These frat boys are such the tease.

Delta Tau Delta’s shoes sway against tree branches in the spring breeze,
Their sense of romance leaves women shouting, “PUUHLLLEEZE!”
Their neighbors, Sigma Alpha Epsilon, deemed a “menace to society” –
GW administrators almost sued, fueling accusations of a lack of propriety.

Phi Sigma Kappa returned after a yearlong vacation from the IFC.
They stayed on their lawn and drank somewhat covertly –
from brown bags, they guzzled their beer.
Blasted like their radio, these boys showed no fear.

Woe is me. Couldn’t they all be like Theta Delta Chi?
Never a word, complaint, mutter or even a sigh.
“Rah, rah GW,” as cheerleaders they shout.
Tired reporters adore those boys who don’t pout!

Despite past sins, no matter the letters, all tout philanthropy.
Alas, no one cares. Readers show utter apathy.
The above rhyme is far more interesting and probably closer to truth,
for many frat boys live the stereotype and remain totally uncouth.

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