Broken Ankle Award – Shawnta Rogers. The lightning-quick Rogers is impossible to defend. Guarding Rogers can lead to such malfeasance as broken ankles or losing one’s jock-strap. If you give him an inch of room, Shawnta’ll bury a trey from anywhere on the court. Congratulations Shawnta, you worked your way into the NBA draft. Allen Iverson has met his match.
Pretty Fly For A White Guy Award – Yegor Mescheriakov. “Yegormeister” can bring down the house with the best of ’em. Brent Barry look out. The NBA will have a new slam-dunk champion next year.
Ice Water in the Veins Award – Mike King. Last year’s Xavier free throws secured King’s legendary status for his ability to keep cool in pressure situations. The 6-4 guard’s confident and collected demeanor will be a plus in the post-Shawnta era of GW basketball. With Rogers and Mescheriakov leaving, look for King to step up next year as a bona fide NBA prospect.
Oscar Award for Best Dramatic Interpretation of a Dive – Antxon Iturbe. In the great “flopping” tradition of Kurt Rambis and Dennis Rodman, this 6-8, 250-pound thespian falls to the ground if someone so much as looks at him. Don’t get me wrong, “the dive” is an art form. And Iturbe is Picasso.
Incredible Hulk Award – Pat Ngongba. I don’t know what’s in the drinking water in the Central African Republic, but Ngongba’s chiseled physique could get him a career in the NFL if the NBA thing doesn’t work out.
Honey-Roasted Ham Award – Andry Sola. Keep draining those long-range bombs, but please Andry, must you turn to the crowd every time you do something good? And that Kirk Gibson-esque arm-pump has to go. Perhaps you should try the Mark Jackson “shimmy.”
The Last of the Mohicans Award – Valery Khamenia. He’s quite possibly the last player from Minsk, Belarus. The College of the Olympic Reserve will have to peddle its wares elsewhere. Khamenia represents the end of the great line of Alexander Koul, Andrei Sviridov, Andrei Krivonos and Yegor Mescheriakov.
Yinka Dare Memorial Award – Daniel Soares. Danny baby, we love your layup-line highlight show. But basketball is a team game, try giving up the rock once in your career. You make Yinka Dare look like John Stockton.
Napoleon-Complex Award – Albert Roma. Maybe Mr. Roma doesn’t realize it, but he’s seven feet tall. Note to Albert: No more fall-aways or layups. Hit the weight room this summer and come back next season ready to take it to the hole with authority. Coach Bonzie Colson will back me up on this one.
Don’t Passover Me Award – Roey Eyal. He gives people a reason to wave the Israeli flag at basketball games. Don’t laugh, it happened against Xavier.
Quickest Foul-Out In History Award – Francisco de Miranda. I’m not sure if they keep statistics for this kind of thing, but the Cisco Kid fouled out of GW’s A-10 quarterfinal game in just seven minutes. Wow.
Garbage State Award – Dorien Brown. Representing 68 percent of the class of 2002, Brown is the only New Jerseyite on the squad. Note to Coach Penders: That’s a good thing.
We Hardly Knew Ye Award – Seco Camara. The man who in high school averaged 34 points and 11 rebounds per game while shooting 59 percent from three-point range had flashes of brilliance in his GW career. Good luck playing in Europe.
Coach’s Pet Award – Mark Lund. No disrespect intended but he tries to run the offense with four shooting guards on the court. Lund is the eye of the storm in a “Chinese fire-drill” atmosphere. Note to Mark: Take it to the rack yourself, baby!
Magic Johnson Award – Jason Smith. Don’t get your hopes up, Jason. But the original “M.J.” never stopped smiling and you do have a tendency to show your pearly whites on the court.
Sprite Award – Sam Anyan. Don’t think we forgot. Just to refresh: Thursday, Jan. 28 against Duquesne, Anyan receives a long outlet pass. All alone, Sam “I am” Anyan takes it to the rack and . OH NO! He bricks it off the back iron. Just like the kid on the Sprite commercial. Some of us weren’t meant to fly, Sam.
“Laid-Back Jack” Award – Tom Penders. A rarity in college coaching, Tommy P. loves “helter-skelter” ballin’. This ex-Longhorn feels more comfortable on the legendary asphalt of the Coney Island public courts than the hardwood of the Garden. Pretty soon, GW’s going to have to change its name to the “Runnin’ Colonials.”