It’s a nice thought, but football wouldn’t work at GW

It has come to my attention that GW sports fans can’t wait for basketball season to start, which is pretty pathetic considering it’s only the first week of October.

Some poor lost soul even e-mailed The GW Hatchet last week, telling us we should have a basketball preview section soon. By the way, look for The Hatchet’s basketball preview Nov. 9 (notice how smoothly I wove in that shameless plug).

At most schools, students get their sports fix from college football during the fall months. GW, of course, has no football team – I mean real football, don’t even try to bring up the soccer teams. So GW students must wait until basketball season.

You might think Saturdays at GW would be much more fun if the school had a football team, as it once did. But football at GW would be a disaster for several reasons.

First, where would a GW football team play? The soccer fields are far enough away. Can you imagine how far GW would have to travel to find a football stadium available on Saturdays? It could be thousands of miles. GW students could never have a tailgate party because they’d spend all of Saturday morning, and probably most of Friday night, driving to the game.

But the main reason GW couldn’t have football is the players would be too big for our cramped campus. Can you imagine sitting next to a lineman in class? My classes are jammed into small rooms that could never handle a 6-3, 250-pound right guard. That’s not to mention the weight room in the Smith Center. You’d never be able to squeeze in there with the football team.

Even walking down the street would be a problem. Imagine a fine spring day. You’re walking through the breezeway in the Academic Center when – uh-oh – here comes the entire defensive line walking the other way. You’d never get through.

Football is better left to rural and suburban campuses, although GW now has the Mount Vernon campus with plenty of room for football-related activities. Hmmmm. Maybe acquiring Mount Vernon is part of a plan to institute a football program at GW. Hey, is there a better explanation as to why GW annexed MVC? I don’t think so.

I’d like to devote my remaining space to recognizing a feat of amazing prognostication. Last April, former Hatchet Editor in Chief Tyson Trish bet another editor (let’s call him Dustin Gouker) that Mark McGwire would hit 70 home runs this season.

Gouker not only took the bet, but decided to publicly ridicule Trish in a sports column April 16:

“I have a sure bet in my pocket. An editor at The Hatchet (to protect his identity, let’s call him Tyson) bet me five dollars that Mark McGwire is going to hit 70 home runs this season.

Just to clarify, that’s seven, followed by a zero.

Hitting 70 homers is about as likely as the Wizards making the playoffs and the Capitals winning the Stanley Cup.

I am pretty sure this person knows nobody has hit 60 since Roger Maris hit 61 in 1961. At least I hope he knew that when he made the bet.”

Of course, McGwire did hit 70, just as Tyson predicted back in April. So, congratulations to Tyson (the Swami) Trish. And a reminder to Mr. Gouker that your words can come back to haunt you.

As for college football, all those GW students starved for big-time college sports should head for the University of Maryland, at least until basketball season starts.

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