Something happened on campus today, according to people who were there.
“Something happened,” one source said.
“Uh, yeah,” another source said. “It was something big.”
No one at the scene could confirm exactly what happened, but one University administrator, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said he expects the event will both cost a lot of money and screw students.
“I can guarantee you that whatever it was, students won’t like it,” the administrator said. “In fact, I think it will probably generate a lot of stories and opinion pieces in campus media.”
But although he predicted heated student reaction to the incident, the administrator said he expects GW officials to ignore all student demands that the event be explained. He also said he expects administrators to disregard student requests for more input in similar events in the future.
Student Association President “X” said the organization is mobilizing in an effort to combat the aftermath of today’s happenings.
“Whatever happened is a definite blow to students,” “X” said. “I will fight with all of the power I have – negligible though it is – to make things right by students.
“We are planning a boycott of the place where the event happened, and we will begin handing out palm cards with the details as soon as we find out what happened,” he said.
When asked exactly what happened, “X” said he didn’t know, but said the SA will advocate that student leaders meet with GW administrators to find out.
A grassroots student organization, Student Protesters Advocating Your Interests Today (SPAYIT), is forming to ensure that student demands are met if similar circumstances arise again.
Wasted Labor, SPAYIT coordinator and former SA EVP candidate, said he has been unable to confirm what happened today, but he has heard rumors that the event will destroy student life.
“I heard it’s bad, very bad,” Labor said. “But I’m looking at creating some sort of a discount card so students will feel that even if something like this happens again, they can save money in the process.”
