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The GW Hatchet

AN INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SERVING THE GW COMMUNITY SINCE 1904

The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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Officials name senior vice president, chief of staff
By Fiona Riley, Assistant News Editor • March 26, 2024

GW baseball team suffers huge loss to little leaguers

In what was supposed to be a break from a rigorous schedule in the first half of the season, the GW baseball team was beaten like a red-headed stepchild 69-0 in an exhibition game with the Dodgers, a little league team from Alexandria, Va.

GW head coach Dontdrinkthe Water thought the opposition wasn’t quite playing by the rules when it beat his Colonials, though.

“Some of those kids had to be at least 13 or 14,” Water said. “Twelve-year-olds just don’t have those kinds of skills.”

GW starting pitcher Adam Batsforbothteams was shelled by the Dodgers from the start, giving up 15 runs before he recorded an out.

“We’ve beaten some real powerhouses this year, but they were a pee-wee league team,” Batsforbothteams said. “I guess we weren’t ready to make the transition to the next level of competition.”

For the Dodgers, Stillwearin Diapers, who weighs 90 pounds and is 4-10, according to his mother, had a spectacular day. He shut out GW and hit just one batter, the only Colonial to reach base. Diapers also hit seven home runs and knocked in 20 of the Dodgers’ 69 runs.

“He looked like Mike Piazza (of the Los Angeles Dodgers) must have looked when he was that young,” Water said. “I want to try to get some of their kids on scholarship.”-You better read the box score, bitch.

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