In An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn – a movie within a movie – the director eventually burns the master print to avoid releasing another awful film. Unfortunately, the real-life director didn’t burn the print of An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn before it was released.

How ironic. Another awful film unleashed on the American public.

This mess of a movie is practically unwatchable. Ryan O’Neal (Paper Moon) is the main character, one of the film’s producers. He abuses his friends physically and emotionally. He’s a misogynist, and he spends a lot of time throwing his considerable weight around.

Writer Joe Eszterhas bears much responsibility for this nightmare. Eszterhas makes trendy, controversial movies like Basic Instinct and Sliver.

Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan and Whoopi Goldberg play themselves. If all this sounds too complicated – it is.

Stallone has one of few good lines in the movie when he accosts a cameraman. “I’m gonna Sean Penn your ass,” he threatens. But, in true Rocky style, his delivery ruins it.

Another scene involves Rob Shapiro, O. J. Simpson’s lawyer. He plays a small but significant role in the film. Shapiro sits in the front row at a Laker game. A voice yells from behind, “You know he did it, Bob.” Shapiro is unaffected. He is court-side signing autographs, while the guy taunting him is 20 rows back not signing anything. Not only is the scene bad, it’s insulting.

The music complements the film. The last song, “Synthetic Hollywood,” by a band called Swamp Dog, is great. The soundtrack would be a good buy.

But avoid this movie at the theater. Avoid it on pay-per-view. Avoid it on video. As bad as it sounds now, it’s much worse.An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn is now playing.

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