AQUARIUS (Jan. 22-Feb. 21)
This weekend you need to balance fun and work. Figure out now what it means to budget your time so you don’t have to pull an all-nighter down the road.
PISCES (Feb. 22-March 21)
Tired after a long week’s work – probably not. Work isn’t a word in your vocabulary. Carry this mentality into the weekend and have fun.
ARIES (March 22-April 21)
It’s Homecoming and you have no idea what that means. Drink to it anyway.
TAURUS (April 22-May 21)
Don’t drink before going to see David Spade like you planned. You’ll just get caught again, and your parents really aren’t in the mood for a day trip to D.C.
GEMINI (May 22-June 21)
Watch your back at work. Someone may secretly be taping your phone conversations to use against you or someone else in the future.
CANCER (June 22-July 21)
It’s time you let go of the past and moved forward. Take down his/her pictures and realize that it’s over. So go out and try your hardest to make him/her jealous. Hook up right in from him/her at a party.
LEO (July 22-Aug. 21)
Don’t be nervous if your boss at your internship invites you into his/her office. It’s probably nothing. Everyone is being really careful about how they treat their employees nowadays.
VIRGO (Aug. 22-Sept. 21)
Trying to decide whether or not to do spring rush. You can if you want, but Clinton is planning to ban human cloning so you may have an identity crisis soon.
LIBRA (Sept. 22-Oct. 21)
It’s time you showed some school spirit. Go to the basketball game with a microphone and pretend that you’re the long-gone Superfan Mike.
SCORPIO (Oct. 22-Nov. 21)
Tired of the college scene? Try finding out where the Washington Wizards go to party. They’ll show you how to have fun. Just don’t get in a car with Chris Webber.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You are in the mood for a low-key weekend. Go buy a bag of cheese doodles and a liter of soda at Safeway and sit outside the Watergate waiting for Monica Lewinsky to emerge. For fun, yell her name every once in a while.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 21)
You need to start telling the truth. White lies don’t always hurt people, but sometimes things can get out of hand. Stick to the real story this weekend or you could be on the front page of The Post next to Clinton.
This article appeared in the January 29, 1998 issue of the Hatchet.