Anatomy of how writing a paper becomes a daylong event

Everybody ready to go home?

I sure am. Thanksgiving is that special time of year to revisit childhood haunts, catch up with old friends, see what Mom did to your bedroom, listen to relatives tell you how much weight you’ve gained – you know, a Norman Rockwell-esque kind of holiday.

Personally, I love the Thanksgiving holiday. I get all sorts of extra credit in my classes because of Thanksgiving. My dad, a professor, buys my plane tickets and he won’t let me miss classes, so Tuesday I’ll be taking pop quizzes with questions like “Spell `hippo.’ “

Actually, I’m glad for the respite, because I can catch up on my schoolwork. It’s not that I’m behind, it’s that my professors are behind.

Mr. Three of my professors spent the month of September discussing about three chapters in the textbook. As a result, my most recent reading assignment is “Read Kierkegaard, pp. I-XXXVI; ch. 4-end.” or “Economics, ch. 4-19 for Tuesday.”

I need to catch up on my sleep too. I’ve been trying to write all of my papers before I go home for Thanksgiving so I can enjoy the holiday.

I recently spent all night finishing a paper for my 19th century philosophy class. The paper was about Kant, Hegel and Schopenhauer. Sounds like fun, right? I kept a diary of my evening’s activities. What follows are some of the high points:

Sunday, Nov. 23, 11:30 a.m.: Wow, I sure feel refreshed. Eleven hours of sleep will do that to you.

11:32: No new e-mail.

12:06 p.m.: Finished watching my tape-delayed broadcast of “Meet the Press” and “The McLaughlin Group.” If you fast forward, Tim Russert’s arms flail like a bird’s.

12:07: Ooh, the NFL on NBC. My paper can wait.

1:00: Ooh, football. My paper can wait until halftime.

3:00: Halftime. I’m hungry. My paper can wait.

3:30: Back from the MC Store. Ooh, the 4 o’clock game is on soon.

3:32: No new e-mail.

7:42: Game over. Time to start the reading for the paper.

8:00: “The Simpsons!” Yes!

8:30: “King of the Hill!” Yes!

9:00: “The X-Files!” Yes!

10:00: Damn, nothing good on TV anymore. Oh yeah . my paper.

10:01-11: I get about 4 pages of Hegel read. I spend most of the hour trying to get through to Glen Hollis to request a song for my girlfriend on WASH FM.

11:04: Wow, septuplets. That must have been painful in the belly. I can sympathize after eating a half pint of Chubby Hubby and then playing racquetball with Andrew Nannis.

11:07: E-mail is busy.

11:08: Start reading Kant.

11:09: E-mail is busy.

11:11: E-mail is busy.

11:12: E-mail is busy.

11:14: I better get reading if I want to watch “George Michael’s Sports Machine.”

11:17: E-mail is busy.

11:19: Start reading Kant. I’ve got 11 minutes, gotta hurry.

11:20: E-mail is busy.

11:30: Since I haven’t gotten through on e-mail, I’ll read Kant through “Sports Machine.”

Monday, Nov. 24, midnight: Finally, I get through on e-mail. I spend the next 50 minutes rehashing Week 13 in the NFL with my friend Steve, who lives one floor above me.

1 a.m.: Ooh, “M*A*S*H.” I miss that show.

1:30: My neighbors Luke and Willie come home. I don’t actually say anything to them because I’m spying on the hallway through my peephole.

1:35: “SportsCenter” is on in 25 minutes. I can go downstairs and see it on the big TV.

1:36-1:57: FIVE pages of Kant read. Obviously that section of the paper should be longer than the Hegel section.

2:01-6:21: Oh no, I’ve fallen asleep downstairs! I notice that the Schopenhauer text is stuck to my butt, so hopefully I’ve learned something through osmosis.

6:21-6:30: I run outside and buy a newspaper.

6:34-7:15: A comprehensive wrap-up of Week 13 in the NFL. Wow, I love The Post’s sports.

7:18: No new e-mail.

7:20-9:12: Shoot, I fell asleep again.

9:13-9:27: I compose an intricate tome comparing and contrasting Kant, Hegel and Schopenhauer’s view of historical progress. As an added bonus to my professor, my paper has been spell-checked.

9:27-9:28: C’mon, dammit, print .

9:29: I make it with one minute to spare. Whew! Now I can go home with no worries.

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