Commencement at the MCI Center instead of the Ellipse is as good an idea as Coca Cola changing its formula. That’s all I have to say about that. Now, for something completely different…

If there’s one thing in life that I really have trouble dealing with, it’s team mascots. I learned this piece of wisdom when I attended the Red Auerbach “Let’s Invite Teams We Can Annihilate” Colonial Classic this weekend. George, with his great big head and beady eyes, and Mike the Superpest, with his blue face – it’s enough to drive one mad. So, I’ve come up with a few ground rules for George and the Supergeek to follow during games:

1.) Don’t touch me.

2.) I’m trying to watch the game. Please don’t stand in front of me waving your arms, sit next to me, behind me, or anywhere in my bleacher section.

3.) Don’t touch me. I mean it.

4.) I have a grasp on the game of basketball, as do most of the other fans, I’m sure. It’s a little demeaning when you’re screaming into a microphone telling us when to cheer. We know when the team is doing well or doing badly. We will react accordingly.

5.) Feel free to crowd surf. I’m not guaranteeing that I’ll hold you up, though. See rules 1 and 3.

6.) More giveaways! We Dubbs students love free stuff.

7.) Did I say don’t touch me? I’ll hurt you.

If you follow these rules, then we can all enjoy the game a little bit more. Plus, I won’t have to see if I can put my fist through George’s plastic head. Okay, so I’m a little sensitive. Let’s have a REAL halftime show: Superdork vs. George in a steel cage match, no holds barred. I’d pay to see that.

On a sillier note, it was my roommate Jody’s birthday last week. You know those trick candles that don’t blow out? Well, the directions on the box say to space them an inch apart and boy, they aren’t kidding around!

Imagine a small Safeway-decorated cake with 21 of those babies crammed on the top. The words “raging inferno” come to mind. A simple birthday get-together turned into one person fanning a newspaper at the shrieking fire alarm, three people blowing/spitting on the cake, Jody shielding her face from growing flames, 10 people laughing hysterically and me wondering if I should break out the fire extinguisher.

Luckily, Jody’s extensive collection of kitchen appliances includes a pair of barbecue tongs, so we were able to salvage the cake without having to eat too much wax and ash. This was a practical joke that went horribly wrong, and it could happen to you! This has been your public service announcement, and knowing is half the battle.

At the risk of sounding like Superfool, I urge you to go to the women’s volleyball games this weekend! Or I will hurt you. Seriously, though, the team is playing Xavier at 7:30 Friday and Dayton at 5:00 Saturday. They are in contention for the A-10 tournament and would love to have some fans come and yell really loudly during the whole game. I’ll be there, as will several of my other loud and obnoxious friends. We’ll be yelling lines from “The Karate Kid.” These are Supernerd free events.