A virtual interactive conversation about and with Mr. `P.’

Since I’m shameless and like to see my name on the Internet, I’ve been perusing the Net pretty regularly since we here at The GW Hatchet have gone global. I’ve found some pretty interesting stuff.

Two things I’ve found are tremendously funny. First, Rush Limbaugh does this “conversation” with people by taking their words out of context and inserting his own remarks. For instance, if Hillary Clinton had said something like, “Now, for the sake of argument, let’s say that I believe abortion is wrong,” Limbaugh will quote her as saying, “I believe abortion is wrong,” and then make fun of her.

This got me thinking about doing that myself, since I found something on GWIS2 called “usenet usegroups.” There’s this guy, Patrick “P.” (I’ve got to protect his anonymity), who writes about how unfunny I am and about how funny he is.

So, with Limbaugh in mind, I had this “conversation” with Patrick (out of context of his postings, mind you) that we have here today.

tryg Tryg Olsen: Welcome, Patrick. I know that you’re really excited to finally be here on the second page column.

Patrick “P.”: “Woohoo. Would you like a desk?”

T.O.: No, thanks, I’ve already got one.

P.P.: “(You) can have my desk.”

T.O.: Look, I already said that I don’t want it. Now Patrick, how are things in the Student Association?

P.P.: “Some of us get desks.”

T.O.: Right, you told me that already. Tell me something, what do you think of the SA?

P.P.: “We’re `power hungry morons’ that are constantly dreaming of the next Student Association election . more sad and pathetic than scary.”

T.O.: Quite right. I’ll refer to them as sad and pathetic in the future.

P.P.: “I imagine them to laugh uncontrollably at “America’s Funniest Home Videos” whenever some yokel lets his kid kick their dog in the head.”

T.O.: Geez, Patrick. That’s scary.

P.P.: “Some things are scary. But I take offense at the thought that we are scary. Rather, we are dumb.”

T.O.: Now wait a minute, Patrick. You’ve called members of the SA sad, pathetic, dumb and used a really strange reference to a TV show. What about you?

P.P.: “For the sake of argument, I will include myself in that pool.”

T.O.: I’ve got to admit, I’m shocked. What do you think about the student protest of Adams Hall?

P.P.: “Protest THIS!”

T.O.: I can see you’re angry.

P.P.: “Some things are scary.”

T.O.: What else scares you, Patrick?

P.P.: “An intern identification badge that haunts you like a scarlet letter, that’s scary.”

T.O.: Are you one of those people who wear an ID badge all the time?

P.P.: “For the sake of argument, I will include myself in that pool.”

T.O.: Okay, so you’re an ID-wearing guy. Tell me, how are things in the Ivory Tower this week?

P.P.: “(The SA does not) have control of who can and cannot enter the fancy elevators and stairwells that access the entire building.”

T.O.: Well, of course, silly. That’s too much power, don’t you think?

P.P.: “Too much.”

T.O.: Now Patrick, there are some people who say that The Hatchet is an elitist newspaper. What do you think about that?

P.P.: “How can a school newspaper be elitist?”

T.O.: I don’t know, really. That’s a good question. How about student activities? What do you think about the improv group Recess?

P.P.: “If you know of people that laugh at that garbage, my respect for you just dwindled down to the floor. It truly is not funny. It is not clever. It is very predictable.”

T.O.: Let’s get back to your opinion of the SA.

P.P.: “I don’t care all that much about the SA … I just wish that everyone would take themselves less seriously.”

T.O.: What do you think about my column, Patrick?

P.P.: “Woohoo.”

T.O.: Wow, high praise indeed. I take it you like me?

P.P.: “As should the rest of The Hatchet.”

T.O.: Tell me, what do you think of SA undergraduate Sen. Patrick Macmanus?

P.P.: “(He) isn’t funny, he isn’t clever, he’s very predictable.”

T.O.: That’s not nice, Patrick. He does a great job.

P.P.: “(He) doesn’t know dick about the SA.”

T.O.: Oh boy, I’m going to be grounded. We should all be careful of what we read on the Net, shouldn’t we?

P.P.: “That was the main point.”

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.