April Fool's Issue: Trach is "Client No. 8"
FBI documents obtained by The Hatchet revealed the prostitution ring which brought down the governor of New York also brought down former University President Stella Joke Trachtenomorejob.
G Spot
April Fool's Issue: University president to live in Thurston Hall
University President Take-a Napp abruptly decided to move into a quad in Thurston Hall last week, citing an interest to "have a normal first-year experience."
April Fool's Issue: James to replace Hulian Bond
It was a mistake. The University will actually bring someone people care about to Commencement. British spy James Bond will speak at the University-wide ceremony.
April Fool's Issue: Club BLAH Thursdays
It is 10 p.m. on Thursday night and a scantily clad, overweight but still relatively pretty, down to fuck female student is heading to the top floor of the M. Heck Center to begin her night at Club BLAH.
April Fool's Issue: Court overturns gun ban, UPD armed and dangerous
In the wake of the Supreme Court's recent decision to overturn D.C.'s handgun ban, the Undersized Penis Department has armed all of its officers to the teeth.
April Fool's Issue: GW Boxer Brief: Democratic presidential candidates to compete in ultimate fighting match
Deciding to forgo the traditional debate forum, the University held an ultimate fighting competition between Democratic presidential contenders Billary Hinton and Harach Tomorrow Friday night.
April Fool's Issue: SA Note: SA president-elect's mustache to assume EVP position
Slapyour Ass Executive Vice President-elect Metroman Troyer stepped down from his position as EVP and on Tuesday, President-elect Vajay Jay will appoint his mustache to replace Troyer.
