Rebecca We went to this Asian restaurant in Dupont called Sum Yung Poon Eatery. He was 40 minutes late. When he finally came in, we ordered. I ate some horse's meat and he had monkey brains. The food was really good; mine had some creamy sauce on it that was a little salty, maybe bitter, but overall tasty.
The sight of two boys kissing at GW isn't a rare scene. GW's campus is full of two males walking hand in hand or making out goodbye. It's the sight of a boy and a girl kissing on campus that you might actually have to search for. GW has a large gay population - everyone knows that - but what does that say about the straight guys? Nothing, there aren't any here.
Nearing the commencement of his fourth year in college, Adam has learned quite a few things about sex. Adam, The Hatchet's anonymous sex columnist, will share his observations and (sometimes dirty) thoughts about sex at GW with the population that fuels his fire.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
All Sodexho employees at GW were fired yesterday in an attempt to maximize profits and improve efficiency, representatives for the food service provider announced this morning. Q Avenue food venues were empty Sunday afternoon, and students aimlessly wandered around the area carrying their GWorld cards looking for food.
Despite a $75,000 hike in tuition last week, administrators are still contending that GW is the least-expensive university on the Eastern Seaboard. Cost of attendance - including tuition, room and board, books, fees and travel expenses - is hovering around $125,000 per year.
Senior guys: imagine your life in a few months - going on dates, pretending to respect girls you meet at work and at bars and having a lot less sex. Girls: you'll have a similar predicament. No longer will you be able to fuck any guy just because you're both sloshed at a party and you knew he would go down on you first.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The Hatchet's "We're Right, You're Stupid" board often comes under fire for being overly critical and harsh on a variety of individuals and groups. While we usually respond to our critics by telling them to go fuck themselves, the board considered a more nuanced reaction to our perceived negativity.
It's about time! The Gelman Library has slowly but surely been updating its infrastructure for GW students. An effective new student liaison is partly responsible for the improvements that deserve our praise. Student outreach has never been better, and as a result, the library has become a better place to work and study.
Freshmen: if you haven't accepted the fact that your grandmother will never truly respect you now that you didn't get into Georgetown, then you might as well stop reading this now. You're a lost cause. For everyone else, take solace in this fact - we're No.
In a drastic measure taken just months before he leaves office, University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye said he is implementing a zero-by-40 class academic structure, set to begin next fall. "Something happens here at GW," the outgoing president said.
It may be filled with patients with gruesome diseases and severe colds, but the GW Hospital will be the hottest new place for students to live next year. University officials announced last week that 600 beds will be added within the medical facility to accommodate members of the class of 2011 starting next fall.
The music, theater and freshman communities were shaken by tragedy this weekend when a vital shipment of marijuana was disrupted. At about 11 p.m. Saturday, more than 40 half-pound parcels of cannabis rained down on Potomac House, more commonly known as "Pot House.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The University announced this week that it will no longer acknowledge the physical existence of part-time faculty. The announcement changed the University's previous policy of refusing to recognize the part-time professors union, a move that has racked up $115 million in legal fees for the administration.
Coulda-been shoulda-been former presidential candidate Al Gore spoke at The Treekiller's G Street office yesterday, chastising the staff for polluting the environment by printing 12,000 copies of a newspaper no one reads.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. After leaving the presidency April 1, Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye decided against taking a year off, choosing instead to vie for a park bench with Old Man Schenley.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Due to a miscalculation in the University's budget, administrators announced Friday that they will implement major cutbacks throughout the campus - getting rid of "all unnecessary luxuries.
University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye announced yesterday that he is joining the scores of people claiming to be Anna Nicole Smith's baby's daddy. Other possible fathers include Michael Jackson, Scooter Libby, Bob Saget, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Treekiller sports editor Jerk Schmuckman.
MC Rove, n?e Karl Rove, signed to Def Jam Records yesterday, announced label president Shawn Carter, better known as Jay-Z. The move ends weeks of speculation that the Deputy Chief of Staff to President Bush was looking for a career change in light of recent White House scandals.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. AA Meeting 6 p.m. Enter meeting. Admit that I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. Suck on flask of Peppermint Schnapps hidden in jacket pocket. Loudly announce it is mouthwash.
With her divorce and subsequent mental breakdown, Britney Spears has officially become too sad of a case to make fun of. "It's like kicking a three-legged blind dog, or making fun of a retarded dwarf," said one TreeKiller editor. Long a staple of the TreeKiller's snobbery section coverage, this year's editors decided that it would be simply monstrous to poke fun at the newly-bald, divorcee single mother, overweight, talentless ex-pop star, whose recent antics have included shaving her head, attacking a paparazzo's car with an umbrella handle, and entering the Wonderland rehab facility, where news outlets reported that the starlet hooked up with other patients.
Columbian College sophomore and hipster asshole Kevin Dyer said he can't believe you haven't heard of this band. "I mean, I guess they're not that mainstream," he said, sipping a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his West End dorm room. "But come on, how can you say you care about music and not love these guys?" Wearing girl jeans and a "Strictly For My Ninjas" T-shirt (both bought at Urban Outfitters, although Dyer claims he got them at Salvation Army), the emaciated 19-year-old looked at you in absolute disgust as he shook his $90 haircut out of his eyes.
If you have $5 You probably shouldn't be at GW. Seriously, you've only got $5 to spend? God, what's wrong with you? My parents are so much richer than yours. Go to your work-study job, peasant. No, you know what, come back here. I've never actually seen a poor person before, I want to get a good look at the sort of people I'll be oppressing once I get out of here with my business degree.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Contrary to earlier reports that pianist Regina Spektor would be performing at this year's Spring Fling, Program Board announced that it has booked famed children's band The Wiggles to campus for the annual event, held April 14 this year.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Due to popular demand, all DC bars will now carry Lo-Carb Watermelon Smirnoff Ice on tap. After a sharp drop in beer sales after January, local proprietors noticed a simultaneous spike in the consumption of what is known to many as "girl beer".
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The sun has come out from behind the dismal clouds. Its radiance shines once again on our forlorn faces, reminding us how it feels to truly live again. That's right, Good Charlotte is back! Joel and Benji, the Waldorf, Maryland Madden dream team, delivered an impassioned musical tour de force Friday night that left the Black Cat ringing with the resonance of the heavens.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Billy Jean King was proud when the GW women's basketball team defeated the men's squad 77- 45 Saturday afternoon in front of a sold-out Smith Center. King, who is known for her victory over Bobby Riggs in the Battle of the Sexes in 1973, called junior Slim Neck after seeing the lady Colonials' run to the Sweet 16 and the men's brutal ousting in the first round of their respective 2007 NCAA tournaments.
The GW Treekiller obtained these AIM records of University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye, who is a former congressman, and a GW student. Since these conversations were initially released, Trachtenbye resigned from his position saying he has an addiction to Manischewitz wine and was harassed by a rabbi in his youth.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. 1988: Pres-elect Stephen Joel Tractor 1989: Trachtorbutt 1990: Stephen Joel Trachtorbutt 1991: Skeevin' Mole Smackherbutt 1992: Semen Gel Slappin'Her 1993: Billy Ray Trachtengerg 1995: Stir Jo Trakkenburk 1996: Stevie Ray Vaughan Tractorbutt 1997: Steven Testesburg 1998: Steven Jole Trachtenburgh 1999: Stevie Just Tryingtostayawake 2000: Dr.
e passage of GW's Campass Plan, mostly geriatric protesters from Foggy Bottom turned the Cube 54 construction site into a sea of canes, walkers and empty Metamucil bottles. Local residents, mostly allied with the Fighting and Bitching Association, have taken issue with the plan since last year.
After incoming University President Sheepish Sleep pries the position out of Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye's cold hands this July, celebration events will be held across campus. Sleep who (literally) lives on a sheep farm at his rich-white-guy home in Maryland, is expected to lead his herd into Foggy Bottom to give the campus a more suburban feel.
With an ever-worsening situation in Iraq, U.S. and Iraqi government officials have turned to a desperate option and placed GW's Stickupyourass Association Senate in charge of governing the war-torn nation. The SA deployed its senators to Baghdad last week to assume their leadership role, following a decision by the father of Sen.P. Rick Head (CCAS-U), a senior.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Monday Nude fashion All proceedes from the show will go to the Clothe a Child charity. 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Marvin Center Continental Ballroom Sponsored by the Stickitupyourass Association and GW Pornstars Screening of "24: The life of a sloth" This epic documentary uses the 24 real-time format to capture every moment of a useless sloth's life.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Stickupyourass Association President-elect N'Capable and other students winning seats in the SA have received glowing praise from administrators for their very feasible campaign platforms.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The GW Treekiller mistakenly identified Hillel executive embarrasser Bobby Gefilteman as a "she" in "Gefilteman accuses basketball team of enslaving Jews in Egypt" (March 29, p.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. Baseball If they didn't play games in China, people might go. M. and W. Soccer Kicking balls around all day has its benefits, we guess. Swimming & Diving "We have to constantly come up for air.
Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue. The following ads can be found in the Print issue:
"If it doesn't come naturally - it's forced," says Luke Horton, guitarist, vocalist and complimentary angle to Monika Fikerle and Antonia Sellbach, whom together form the inevitable triangle that is Melbourne-based Love of Diagrams. After opening for Ted Leo and the Pharmacists at the 930 Club last Thursday, Luke spoke with The Hatchet about the band's most recent effort, Mosaic (set for release this month), a recent signing with indie-ultimate Matador Records, and the origin of Love of Diagrams.
In a music world where each rock band is a copycat of the next, The Blood Brothers and their frenzied noise-rock is a breath of fresh air in the industry. Citing musical influences ranging from jazz and classical orchestras to The Beatles, it may seem odd for the Seattle-based quintet The Blood Brothers to create a spastic rock sound of distorted guitars, violent synth, and animalistic drumming.
Indie rock isn't cool. In a community thriving on pretension, sometimes it's hard to remember this. Tuesday night at the 9:30 Club gave an uncomfortable reminder. Classic indie rock band Sebadoh brought a crowd that served as an unfriendly reminder. In checking out the crowd, the whole show seemed an excuse to gather everyone who thought high school was a really awkward time.
Vol. 109
An Independent Student Newspaper
Serving The George Washington University Community Since 1904
