Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
TOPEKA, Kan. - After confusing President Obama and millions of onlookers at the inaugural parade, the GW Inaugural Float has continued to travel across the country, bewildering everyone as to the logic behind its design and where the endless amount of money spent on it actually went.
"Wut's dat deyr awwf-rowd veeehickle duin in da middle?" said Faith Chastity, cousin of SA presidential candidate Hick Poke, standing on a roadside in Kansas. "Is dis thang advertisin' for a school ora day camp?"
Locals from the many towns the float passed through were left confused about the float's design and the massive amounts of duct tape being used to hold the sections together.
Once the inaugural parade ended in January, float designers decided to add several new trailers highlighting GW's terrible basketball teams, love of fake religious controversies and tendency to spend massive amounts of borrowed money - depicted by Big George sitting in an oversized tub of cash.
"This school looks terrible. Even if I had graduated the sixth grade, I still wouldn't go there," said a very pregnant Barbara Jo Virginity. Others pleaded for the vehicle to stop and pull over, thinking its haphazard collection of random objects was a mobile tag sale.
After Big George made a class of elementary school students cry, he was pulled off the float and replaced by the Hippo mascot.
Jennifer Pure, principal of the school in southern Kentucky where the incident took place, said she was pleased with the change because the hippo looks "less like a crazy, possessed doll."
Float designer Harley Burboingboing rejected these criticisms, calling the locals "ignorant of masterful design" and adding that he has heard many positive responses.
Burboingboing's mother, in an e-mail forwarded by Burboingboing, wrote that she loved the design.
"Sweetcheeks, don't listen to The Washington Post or everyone in the student body," she said. "The float looks like Vegas gold!"
While some on the inaugural committee wanted to head home after the debacle, float leaders bought more pizzas and plasma screen TVs and told everyone to carry on to California.
"Just because no one understands the float does not mean we should stop," Director of the Student Activities Center Miller Lite said. "It a California-or-bust attitude now!"