Reader's note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
Theater students will find a new course in this fall's registration bulletin: Acting for Reality TV.
The class, which is expected to fill quickly, was created because television trends indicate that by the time the class of 2009 graduates, there will be no scripted roles left on TV.
"So many more theater alums across the country have landed major roles in reality TV, like the slutty blonde girl, or the flamboyant and fashion-forward gay man, than in scripted shows," said department chair Kari Williamson. "It's our duty, as professors, to prepare our students to do body shots and get naked in the hot tub on 'The Real World,' or to look macho while eating rats and spiders on 'Survivor' or 'Fear Factor.'"
The class will teach methods for portraying several commonly-cast reality TV roles, such as "skanky alcoholic," "homophobic Southerner," "privileged JAP," "token black guy/girl" "sullen hipster," "naive virgin," "flamboyant gay," and "overweight woman who eats her feelings."
Students will study roles in the early history of reality television, such as Julie, the Mormon on "Real World: New Orleans," or the dopey Evan, who portrayed a dashing bachelor on "Joe Millionaire," despite being a construction worker in real life.
"Evan - now there's an example of a fine reality TV thespian," said Williamson.
The department plans to host guest lecturers who found fame on reality TV.
"We're really trying hard to get 'American Idol's' Clay Aiken - he played the flamboyant gay guy so well. It's too bad they found those gay sex tapes of him on the Internet, but maybe that can be a part of his lecture," said Williamson.
"We're really excited about our current lineup, though, which includes privileged JAP Ally Hilfiger of MTV's 'Rich Girls,' and Kirstie Alley, of the short-lived 'Fat Actress,'" she said. "Talk about a woman who eats her feelings! The students are lucky to study drama from these experts."